The Perceptions of Wrongsky

Some Wrong Things...

2009-02-19T05:35:00.000-08:00

Pack your knives, what???

Speechless.

Not this book, just the general idea of having to interpret interaction effects.

Have I told you lately?

2009-02-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

Have I told you I'm going to Puerto Rico at the end of this month?

Star Struck

2009-01-12T05:28:00.000-08:00

Ever since moving to Nashville, I've heard stories. Stories about celebrities. More accurate than that- celebrity sightings. Apparently, Nashville is the kind of place where celebrities do surprisingly normal things like have breakfast, shop, and drive around. It seems like everyone has a story about a celebrity sighting. So, in my first few weeks, I had the impression that I'd find celebrities shopping in my local Kroger and hanging out at the Mellow Mushroom on campus....not a chance.

I have had a couple of run-ins...my experience with Michelle Branch. And just a couple of weeks ago, Bobby Bare Jr. was having breakfast/lunch at the same diner. But after hearing my neighbors stories about Robert Plant gardening three streets over from where I currently live while he was recording the album with Krauss- I keep waiting for the "big" sighting. I'm just sure that Jack White washes his clothes at the same laundromat.

And then it happened. Last week, I decided to catch a matinee of MILK. Waiting in line, I noticed about 4 people in front of me was none other than Tim McGraw. At first I thought- there is no way this is him- he looks too much like him. But after a few moments, a woman behind me spoke in my ear..."You know who that is, don't you?" I shake my head to affirm that I've got a hunch. She replies, "It is. Isn't it so great to see that he likes to see movies by himself on rainy days?" Awww, Tim McGraw is just like me.

For me, McGraw is one of the biggest Nashville celebrity sightings (excluding Plant "planting") that I could experience. See, I'm not a fan of country music, particularly contemporary pop country music. There was a time though, that I was secretly purchasing country tapes from mail-order music clubs. I say secretly because the whole reason I was even purchasing from the music club is out of pure shame. There was absolutely no way I was walking into the record store and asking the person working there for the latest Martina McBride album.

Why was I listening to country music? I went native. I was surrounded by folks where I worked and lived by people who listened to nothing but country music. At work, the television was constantly on CMT. And I'll be honest, after a while, it doesn't sound that bad. Hell, I've said the same about The Dead after forced repeat listenings.

My first (and I do believe last) country crush was on Tim McGraw.

After all those tapes have long been thrown out or donated to some unsuspecting Goodwill, there is one that I keep. I couldn't throw it out despite the 5 moves I've made since then. As I scale down for each move, it survives. It is the Tim McGraw tape that I bought all those years ago. And yes, I was more than excited to see him standing in line to see a movie (for those of you that are curious, it was The Reader).

I resolve

2009-01-05T18:41:00.000-08:00

Since the new year, I've been thinking on the idea of resolutions. I don't know why I feel compelled to think about them or to even attempt to compile a list, but every year I make an attempt. To be honest (a resolution?), I didn't start on New Years. Rather, I spent New Years Day rather horizontal- and no, not like that. I could barely move. I had a rather fun celebration the night before and pretty much ended up out of commission for about 36 hours. Alas, I thought on making a resolution that involved not drinking too much and playing with fireworks- but who am I kidding?

Then today, it dawned on me that I don't necessarily need resolutions regarding my year- but as Day One of my second semester at school rolls around, I thought I might need resolutions in regards to how I spend my next four months.

One, I resolve to actually cook and eat food during the semester. I will not simply pour my food from a can or box or bag. I will take the time to sit down and enjoy a good meal, regardless of how difficult or busy my semester gets.

Two, I resolve to do a better job of keeping in touch with friends and family, regardless of how the next four months happen. This includes Tim and the cats, as many days passed where I think I barely spoke to them or acknowledged their shared experience in my home.

Three, I resolve to spend more time in the city that is Nashville, instead of the holy temple that is Garland Hall. During the break, I made a visit to the art museum. I need to do this more. I need to venture out into the community.

Four, I resolve to take both an art and dance class. I planned this last semester and it didn't pan out. I refuse to allow myself to get too busy and forget that there are other enjoyable things in the world besides statistics.

Five, and lastly, I resolve to have fun. I know this seems like an odd resolution- and vague at that- but when the thick of the semester arrives, fun is a luxury. Going out with friends to talk about music or watching Old School and drinking beer seems like the last priority on a list of a thousand priorities.

Multicollinearity: Holiday Music for Nerds

2008-12-21T19:47:00.001-08:00

Here is the 2008 holiday mix.

Bye Bye Bye- Plants and Animals
Some Kinda Love- The Velvet Underground
Don't Think Twice, It's All Right- Bob Dylan
Sun Down- Nik Freitas
Everyone I Know Is Listening to Crunk- Lightspeed Champion
I Wanna Be Like You- The Morning Benders
You Have to Be Joking- The Flaming Lips
Teenage Kicks- Nouvelle Vague
Yeah Sapphire- The Hold Steady
Geography- Thao
Trouble In Mind- Sister Rosetta Tharpe
My Only Offer- Mates of State
Calling and Not Calling My Ex- Okkervil River
The Worm In the Apple- Ezra Furman and the Harpoons
I've Been Loving You Too Long- Otis Redding

I've also posted a link to the iMix in case you'd like to find the songs online or you forgot to thank me sometime in the last 5 years.

Oh, regression- you are the bane of my existence.

2008-12-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

The last two weeks and the next 5 days of my life have been and will be possibly the most difficult of my academic career. I'm not sure if I forgot what it was like to be in school or perhaps now that I'm climbing the floors of the ivory tower- but fuck, every single day adds another dimension of anxiety and tension. It is final exam week around here. Between two final exams in my statistics class, I've been chaotically writing two 15 to 30 page papers.

My ability to juggle and think efficiently has increased ten-fold. I realized you can actually type a paper while eating, at least if you like handheld food and can type pretty quickly with one hand. It is also possible to write out (hopefully semi-coherent) Christmas cards while watching Top Chef. I'm half surprised I haven't figured out a way to drink, smoke, and read- all while in the shower.

To be honest though, I thought I was on top of it. I felt like I was making progress toward a final goal of freedom which will arrive on Tuesday when I turn in my final paper. I thought this- at least until today, when it all felt like it came crashing down. Horribly melodramatic, I know, but it wasn't until my statistics final today that I felt like drinking a bottle of whiskey- and this time without trying to do any other work.

So, what happened? Fuck if I know. I know this though, sometime around 3:45 (about 45 minutes into the exam), I hit a brick wall. For the next hour and a half, I kept trying to find a way around the wall, but as the anxious minutes quickly ticked past- there seemed to be no way around it.

And I hate to say this more than anything, but I actually felt bad about it. Believe it or not. I'm a pretty flippant person, particularly about grades and school work. I go with it. I throw in the towel when I'm done- and usually don't look back. But for the first time in my entire academic career, I actually shed a tear. I know, I hate to even write it, but it happened.

It just felt so overwhelming. So disappointing. All that work and all that time seemed to be in vain. Now I realize (after a couple of beers and hours) it isn't. And after hearing endless attempts at reassurance..."I'm sure you really did great." I still feel pretty bummed about it. I suppose it might because for the first time I really care about how I did. And I sucked.

Farewell, Professor...

2008-12-09T05:10:00.000-08:00

When I first started watching baseball, I immediately fell in love with Greg Maddux. Are you kidding me, check out the picture below- how could you not? No, really. How could you? Maddux looked completely out of sorts while pitching, with that tongue and all. But I loved him. I loved him because it is Maddux that made me realize how fascinating the game of baseball is. It wasn't until I watched Maddux take a hitter all the way up in the count that I saw the true essence of the struggle. So, when people would say to me, "Oh, baseball games, I don't watch those on television. They are so slow and boring." I always knew they either hadn't seen Maddux pitch or they were hopeless fools that were never going to get it anyways.

It always seemed like each pitch for Maddux was intentional. It was the best pitch he had in him. And it felt like he was fucking with the hitter a little bit. Rocking them back and forth on the plate, a ball, a strike, a change-up, you just couldn't count on knowing exactly what was coming out of that arm. I can remember back around the late 1990s watching Maddux pitch for the Braves and recognizing that each pitch meant something. This was the game.

"And it is with bittersweet emotions" that I bid you farewell and happy retirement, Maddux.

And here is a quote from an article on ESPN.com

"There's really not a lot you can do to improve it," Maddux said. "The game of baseball is almost perfect the way it is."

Hey, he should know.

Turkey Day?

2008-11-25T16:15:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is a weird time for me for numerous reasons. This year it is awkward because it is almost the teaser before the end of the semester. Instead of being able to lay on my mother's couch after eating too much food, I'll be tearing through several books that I need to read to be able to write my many, many papers that are due in merely two weeks.

Beyond that, I'm pretty sure that Thanksgiving is a holiday that I disagree with on a number of human rights and animal rights issues. Luckily, I've been a vegetarian long enough now that people have stopped asking me in absolute disbelief about what I'll eat for the hedonistic holiday.

And even further than that, I have some pretty horrible memories attached to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the time in Boone in Cabin #4 with my family and an old friend. And Thanksgiving always reminds me of the last time I saw my dad. Most of you probably know that my dad passed away on December 1, 2000. We didn't have the best relationship and years had passed since I had seen him- when I received "the call." He had been living with MS for several years and it had finally beat him. I got the call with the old cliched narrative, "He's asking for you."

So, on the Monday after Thanksgiving, my mom and I got into a car and drove to see him. The whole trip down I kept thinking about my carefree Thanksgiving. How I was eating with my family, laughing and talking- never realizing what was waiting for me at the end of the weekend. What I always remember the most about the trip was my mom and I listening to an album by The Good Life. In particular, this song always resonates about that time.

A Golden Exit

I can see the chill in the air between us.
I can feel the winter coming, we're frozen in our stares.
And we know there's a world outside of these insults and injuries.
Maybe we're just too, afraid to be one.
The autumn sets a golden exit, the winter is waxing.
The cold sun will shed no more warmth into our living rooms.
Where we dream our dreams, where we wait for sleep.
Maybe we'll wake up with golden wings,
and fly over the city screaming, take me.

I woke up this morning to the silence of falling snow.
These graces of beauty have left me so cold.
I once had a heart, but hearts are like snowflakes,
and snowflakes, one warm touch and they melt away.
Maybe we'll get wings. Maybe anything.
Just anything to set us free. Maybe we'll wake up.
A golden exit.
Must we always wait for sleep?

We are the Champions!

2008-11-04T21:43:00.000-08:00

Congratulations Obama and Biden!

I never knew I felt patriotic. Not until tonight.

Catastrophically Getting Older

2008-11-02T18:59:00.000-08:00

I was reading an interview with Woody Allen that a good friend passed on to me...

DM (Douglas McGrath the interviewer): What's the worst thing about getting older?

WA: Well, your body breaks down and you're closer to death. So that's an unbeatable combination.

DM: Is there anything good about it?

WA: There's nothing good about getting older. Absolutely nothing. The amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things- a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures. But what you lose is so catastrophic in every other way.

DM: Not a good trade.

WA: No. And, consequently, the whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it- to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing.

DM: You've written a lot about death over the years. Have your feelings about it changed at all?

WA: No. Death is a no-win proposition. Because you know what happens? You die. I'm not a religious person, so you die, and then you disintegrate in one way or another- and you're gone. That's it. There's no other at bat. It's one strike, and you're out.

But what you lose is so catastrophic in every other way. Indeed.

My civic duty...

2008-10-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

I voted yesterday. What does this picture have to do with it? Tim and I are holding up our voting cards. I would have documented the actual process, but that seemed like overkill. I do have to say this though- I got misty-eyed looking at the ballot and seeing Obama's name there. I'm feeling overwhelmed by the sheer historic moment of all of this. And I feel nervous. I'll probably have trouble sleeping on Monday night, like a kid on Christmas Eve.

Photos of Apartment and Neighborhood

2008-10-03T05:46:00.000-07:00

I know I've totally been slack about getting some photos up for my long lost friends in various parts of the world- so here you go.

I call this chapter "getting perspective"...

2008-09-27T20:04:00.001-07:00

Despite the fact that my calendar is filled with numerous appointments, classes, meetings, and homework, I'm trying to learn how to gain perspective in my life. I've been sleeping less than normal lately, trying to catch up on school work and actually manage to maintain a normal life. A life that contains not only an academic training, but also a social life. I desire to ask everyone who has gone through this same experience, is it possible? Particularly the first semester.

Instead of questioning it, the first few weeks, I've surrendered to the life of school from 6 in the morning until midnight. I barely make time for anything else. Tonight, I decide to make some time for socializing, which I incredibly enjoyed. I needed it.

On my way home from the evening, I realized I'm starting to feel at home in Nashville. I saw this one particular sign which always indicates to me I'm almost home and it felt like that...home. This is good. I'm happy about this.

But after arriving home and checking my (school) email, I was informed that one of my students received a call this morning that her brother was killed in a car accident. It was forwarded to me from the professor I'm working for with the message, "awful"...and it is. It caught me off guard. I was expecting some information about school. I was expecting some instruction for the following week. And it was then, I realized my priorities have been all out of wack. I've given into the pressures of graduate school and carelessly forgotten EVERYTHING else.

And it was then I thought, I need some perspective. I need to remember my real priorities. I mean, school is school. There are expectations, but there are other things in my life that are far more important than a document citing the papers I've read, written, contributed to...and it was then I felt guilty. Guilty because I'm not sure how to re-prioritize and still enable myself to be successful in all the ways I hope. Though, I'm certainly realizing that I need to think about what is important. Finishing my paper and my presentation and my research is certainly important within a certain world. But this isn't the only world. This isn't all that there is...so I'm hoping to in the next week find a careful balance between expectations and my desires, all the while remembering the things that are most important to me.

There will be a lot of explaining to do...

2008-09-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

I agree. There is a lot of explaining. Where the hell have I been for the last month? I have simply one answer. School. Yes, It is kicking my ass. This time around the experience is kicking my ass in numerous ways. I have some mornings where I wake up and think I could possibly skip town with my loan money, but then I question if the department would still pay me? Some mornings I'm ready to conquer the world and revolutionize the world of sociology (Is it possible, Colin?)Most mornings, I'm just tired, exhausted, running on about 6 hours of sleep, while still trying to read one last article, write one last word, conquer one last statistics problem.

I'm learning many valuable things. Most of these have to do with just learning essential ways to navigate the world. I'm learning about friendships. There is nothing like 20-odd new acquaintances and friends to teach on a mass level what it is like to have friends, keep friends, and maintain friends. I'm learning to prioritize. I've already had to give up my drunken life that I so dearly loved before. I've actually had to decide to skip the Ezra Furman show (last week) and the Conor Oberst/Jenny Lewis show (this weekend)- not to mention numerous parties. I find myself saying things like, "I'd rather clean my house and run problem set 3 instead of get rip roaring drunk and feel bad the next day." If that isn't maturity and responsibility, then I'm out. I have no idea.

This is drastically different from my last program. In that, I think there was maybe one or two weeks that I wasn't drunk, hungover, thinking about drinking, or out drinking. I'm over exaggerating the past for effect (I've also learned how to bullshit more too), but I'm having a very different experience from last time.

All of that being said, I'm having a great time. I feel a tiny bit like a lab rat, but I'm getting use to it. I spend at least 97% (approximately 2 standard deviations) of my time in either the sociology department or sitting at my work table...all the while reading or making stupid jokes about school (see above).

Beyond that...the obvious. I'm dealing with other experiences that I wasn't quite prepared for. I wasn't quite prepared for the identity ambivalence that I feel. Yes, I have a word now to discuss the distinct feeling of transition and confusion that I'm going through. Also, I know...what a whiner, right? I'm going to a top 20 school and I'm totally funded..and I'm bitching. I just can't help myself though. Besides, what good is a blog if I can't bitch from time to time.

So, yes, me...I'm at an elite institution. There are norms, rules, regulations, bureaucracies. There are things like networking and appearances. There are times I have to feign interest when really I'm planning my grocery list for the week. And a majority of the time, I spend walking around on the campus or sitting through class feeling like a total fraud. I'm nervous that one day next week or perhaps later in the semester that there will be some huge discovery that I don't belong here. I'm from the trailer park. I'm from the country. How dare I think I would belong? Right?

Now, I know....and please spare me any of the compassion (if that really exists) and the psychological analysis...but I think I've carried that feeling with me around for years. I've always felt slightly outside of the norm, just by a small amount. Not enough for others to notice, but just enough for me to notice.

And I know it probably isn't quite "disaster plus time" yet, but I mentioned this the other night to Tim and he immediately found a passage in David Foster Wallace's book of stories oblivion...and he read it to me. It resonated. It is from the story "Good Old Neon."

"My whole life I've been a fraud. I'm not exaggerating. Pretty much all I've ever done all the time is try to create a certain impression of me in other people. Mostly to be liked or admired. It's a little more complicated than that, maybe. But when you come right down to it it's to be liked, loved. Admired, approved of, applauded, whatever. You get the idea. I did well in school, but deep down the whole thing's motive wasn't to learn or improve myself but just to do well, to get good grades and make sports teams and perform well. To have a good transcript or varsity letters to show people. I didn't enjoy it much because I was always scared I wouldn't do well enough. The fear made me work really hard, so I'd always do well and end up getting what I wanted. But then, once I got the best grade or made All City or got Angela Mead to let me put my hand on her breast, I wouldn't feel much of anything except maybe fear that I wouldn't be able to get it again. The next time or next thing I wanted..."

There is more, but like he wrote, you get the idea. I'm not saying this is exactly what I feel, but given the circumstances, it seemed like a good idea to quote it.

Now onwards...

I came home from an all day required grant writing workshop today (yes, on Saturday) and I had a reading to complete for a class. The chapter is from John Dewey and I realized this is what I'm suppose to be thinking...and it felt good. It felt right.

"Life itself consists of phases in which the organism falls out of step with the march of surrounding things and then recovers unison with it- either through effort or by some happy chance. And, in a growing life, the recovery is never mere return to a prior state, for it is enriched by the state of disparity and resistance through which it has successfully passed. If the gap between organism and environment is too wide, the creature dies. If its activity is not enhanced by the temporary alienation, it merely subsists. Life grows when a temporary falling out is a transition to a more extensive balance of the energies of the organism with those of the condition under which it lives."

There is more -again. Though I think for one blog, this is plenty. I'm learning to navigate and negotiate. I'm trying to figure out who I'm going to be when this all seeps in and I start to change into something else. I'm scared. Who wouldn't be, right? And it is isolating.

I mean who really wants to hear me talk about regression lines.

So, why the bird picture? Last night I had a dream that feels completely indicative of the experience I'm having. I dreamt there was a butterfly in my house...that turned into a bird. It was flying all around trying to find the outside. It seems obvious. Metamorphosis and trying to make it to the outside.

Corruption, Consistency, and Safe Mode

2008-08-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

After an entire week of introductions and orientations, I had a pleasant Saturday planned for myself. There would be a flea market. There would be a farmers market. There would be the ever slightest reading of school work. There would be some movie watching. There would even be some socializing and drinking at the end of this well experienced day. I had plenty to do and I'm awful glad I woke up early enough to make all of it happen.

I figured I would do some work on my internet classes I'm teaching this semester, while listening to some various podcasts. It was delightful- and usually grading isn't. I listened to some of the new Okkervil River album, which I am now anxiously anticipating the release of. I thought I'd take a quick break for some breakfast and newspaper reading after printing out a few things. As I set my computer down to plug in the printer...it froze up. Oh, no problem, right? Just restart. Upon the restart- my computer gave me some crazy error message about not being able to show the "native images." What the fuck is a native image? There are tons of funny "I was about to..." going through my head right now, but I'll save you from it. The next two hours involved me doing things like crashing and restarting my computer over and over again. Then, I dabbled in starting it in safe mode. Then I had the disk checked for consistency a handful of times.

I flipped through the manual. And I came to the conclusion how utterly dependent on a machine I am that I haven't the slightest clue how to fix it. I've never been the kind of person who has a computer screw up on them. I'm the person that always thinks "Oh, computer virus...it is a culture of fear out there! It'll never happen to me." I suppose I better get some identity protection now, since that is also somethingI have thrown around as part of the culture of fear.

Regardless, 6 hours later...one phone call to Dell...and a few crying fits...I gave into the inevitable. I had to restore my computer to the factory basics. It was tragic. I was going to lose all my music on my Itunes and my photos. But, wait, what is that you ask? Did I back-up recently? Yes, I backed up some stuff. I hadn't backed up my Itunes- Who the hell has time for that? And I hadn't backed up any pictures since May. It took merely 7 minutes for my entire computer to be wiped clean. I don't think I moved an inch while I watched the bar inch further and further over indicating that more and more of my work and memories were being erased. Ha! How melodramatic, right?

I'm over it today. I've already started rebuilding my Itunes library. I'm up to C and D today. My mom yesterday tried to convince me to see the positive. And when I was in my hour of darkness and she called, I had to smile. I had my head in my hands, I was surrounded by old cds and start-up repair cds...and when she called, I felt silly. Why? My ring on my cell phone is part of the Hold Steady's song "Stay Positive." And it was just all put into perspective. In the scheme of it all, not that important.

Besides, did I tell you I'm seeing The Hold Steady on Halloween? See, there are happier days around the corner.

This traumatic Saturday did make me think about the way we capture memories though. I remember the whole situation that Ben Bridwell of Band of Horses experienced when he hollered at a fan for taking video on her cell phone. He wanted to know what ever happened to people going to an event and just experiencing it. To just keeping the memories in their head- without the pictures to prove. And the thing I was most upset about losing were my pictures. So, I tried to remind myself that I still have the memories.

And hell, after all, I've got my blog to remind me if I forget.

The Week of Rock and Sounds

2008-08-14T17:50:00.000-07:00

I swear I'm not planning on providing you weekly with a play-by-play of my time in Nashville, but in particular- the first weeks seem important. They seem pivotal. They seem to be the experiences which I hope will repeat themselves week-in and week-out. I'm also not going to go into too much about the shows I saw, as I'll save that for the other blog, you know the one about music- www.musicismemory.com

Wait, did I just give my own other blog a shout out?

So, Friday of last week, Tim and I were to see our first real rock show since venturing to Nashville. We had tickets to see Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band at Mercy Lounge. Besides this, we also planned to stop by his in-store performance at Grimey's. The in-store was a bust, the rock show was incredible, including the moment I drunkenly stumbled my way up to the front of the stage for the encore. Sometimes, it is nice to be drunk and irresponsible.

Surprise, surprise, Saturday was a day I did not feel in tip-top shape. That being said, we had already planned a visit to East Nashville's Tomato Art Festival. We pulled ourselves together around 4pm and made a trip over. The festival was fun, except there wasn't as much to do as I hoped. We drank slushies, watched some of a fashion show, and walked up and down the blocks. Apparently, when you go to the Tomato Art Fest, you should be prepared to drink. I was not.

So, instead, we left and decided to attend Game One of a Nashville Sounds doubleheader. I was so excited to see my new local team. I already knew they were coming in last place, but hey, I love the underdog. Upon walking in, I discovered just how old this stadium is- but don't get me wrong, it isn't old in like a cool, antique, historical way....it is old in the way that they built the shit and never touched it again. We walked along creaky boards to find our seats. Some of the seats were cracked. Some were bolted in, some weren't. Essentially, if you were sitting in the aisle seat (which our lovely booking agent at the window sold us on), you have to completely get up and out of your seat to let the other folks in. This is not enjoyable if you are trying to drink your expensive ballpark beer. Don't get me wrong- I loved it. I loved every minute of it...and yes, with that one ballpark beer, I felt the Conor-Oberst-hangover quickly dissipate.

Sunday entailed rest, though with quick trips to Grimey's and the Farmer's Market.

On Monday, Tim and I were to attend our second rock show of the week. We had tickets to see AA Bondy and Bon Iver at The Exit/In. Before we made it to the show, we met up some friends at a nearby bar. We were meeting up with our new pals, Colin and Sarah...but also a couple of folks that are already in/graduated from the program at school. As you can imagine, the evening was mostly spent thinking/worrying/becoming anxious and freaked out about our first day of orientation on Saturday. Afterwards, Tim and I made our way across the street- just in time to see Bon Iver take stage. Excellent show. Beautiful.

On Tuesday, Tim and I were to attend our third rock show of the week. Are we getting exhausted? You bet. I never knew I'd feel exhausted by going to rock shows. I never thought I'd complain that I need a night at home. When I woke up on Wednesday, I knew there was absolutely no way my body was able to leave the house. Regardless, on Tuesday, we were scheduled to see Prabir and the Substitutes open for The Silver Beats. If I was collecting my top ten memories in Nashville during the 3-5 years when I finish with school, there is no doubt- this night will always find a place secured in the list. Since it was primarily a musical evening...I'm saving it for the other blog.

I've been resting since then. Week 3 is all about school. Orientation after orientation after orientation. Given the fact that most of these events start in the morning, I think our week will be far less exciting and far more anxiety producing.

Oh, Nashville...

2008-08-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

One week into my residency at Nashville...And I finally exhaled. I finally have put away everything (almost). This past week has possibly been one of the most trying weeks of my life. I suppose that life changes always bring about this type of joy, frustration, excitement, terror, and confusion. I have never moved this far away before. Moving somewhere that was 4 hours away (Myrtle Beach) was tough, but moving somewhere 10 hours away was sheer hell. Why you may ask? One important life lesson I learned, take as little as possible when moving this distance.

For the move, Tim and I decided to rent a pod-like box for the shipping of the majority of our furniture and books. This ended up being far more complicated, stressful, and destructive than originally planned. For one, not everything fit. There were causalities. We lost our dining room chairs, due to a lack of space. We lost a couple of bookcases, due to a lack of careful planning in the packing. Note: It is not a good idea to put 30 boxes of books in the back of the pod, with cheap furniture in the front. In transit, the books came cascading down, crashing the furniture and breaking about 2 boxes of my favorite dishes and coffee mugs. Besides the obvious errors in packing, using a pod meant that we also packed the crap we own about 4 times.

After packing a pod, we drove a good bit of "stuff" with us...including the cats. Driving 10 hours with cats is not as much fun as you might imagine. Sabine apparently did not appreciate the fact that my truck is unable to run the a/c constantly. She yelped and screamed every time I turned off the air.

We arrived in Nashville on Wednesday night around 9:00pm. As we started to unpack the truck and car, it started to pour down rain. One of our friendly new neighbors informed us this was good luck. Now, how is that again? The first night here, Sabine was also so freaked out (she takes after me, apparently) that she didn't sleep at all. This also meant I didn't sleep at all.

Our first day here was spent with the fella from the cable company. Then picking up the rest of our crap from the pod people. Thursday was not a fun day. Friday was spent unpacking and jumping over boxes. Friday was not a fun day.

Finally, on Saturday, we decided to venture out into the joys of Nashville. In particular the one place we wanted to visit first was the Nashville Farmers' Market. The market is within walking distance from our new home and was incredible. The picture above shows our first purchase from the market. While living in Myrtle Beach, we often would frequent the weekly flea market, which also had a couple of folks set up with some vegetables. No comparison. The market here is overwhelming. I couldn't even fathom what type of vegetables I wanted. There were too many choices. We are actually still eating from the vegetables we purchased. The butter beans were excellent. Absolutely mind-blowing. Saturday was a good day.

Sunday was our record store day. We decided to visit one of the many record stores in town. The record store is Grimey's. Part of our reason for going to the record store was to get rid of some cds...to make some money for trade, but also to free up some space. Grimey's is excellent. Very cool. Very hip. I found a couple of albums there. Another note: I refuse to buy any more albums that do not come on vinyl with the cd/mp3 download. We also ventured down what is called Charlotte Avenue/Pike. There are a hell of a lot of thrift stores, not to mention the Target/Wal-mart/Lowe's.

Monday was one of those days spent unpacking books. Tim has an insane amount of books. Ever since we decided to move, I have been thinking about how to find a way to store all of the books. In Myrtle Beach, the books filled one of our rooms- mostly on the floor, going 3 to 4 rows out. This was not efficient. It was also hell for Tim if he ever hoped to find any particular book. So, we wanted to do something different. After researching numerous shelving options (and having been told by our real estate folks that we are not allowed to make permanent changes to the apartment), Tim mentioned the idea of the old college stand-by. Plywood and cinder blocks. And when we purchased 20 cinder blocks, the folks at the hardware store did not bat an eye. The shelves are up now. They look fantastic.

Monday night, we decided to venture out into what is often referred to as the "tourist" area of Nashville. Perhaps we missed the lights and neon and tourists of Myrtle Beach. We ventured down to Broadway. We had a few drinks at a bar called Robert's Western World and listened to a western swing band. We then crossed the street and had a beer at a bar called The Wheel. At The Wheel, there was a band playing covers...though, I think most of them were Bob Seger covers. Though Broadway seems a little "over-the-top", we are incredibly close to this area- and for the sheer excitement and people-watching, I think we'll spend a good deal of time down there.

Tuesday was the day we spent money. Anyone that has cats and blinds in their home know that cats love to break/bend/tear apart blinds. To avoid this, the cat-owners must seek out curtains to create a barrier. So, we went out spent an obnoxious amount of money on my new credit card to find the appropriate curtains, rods, and other necessities to start to decorate our new home. After the decorating is finished, I hope not to step foot in a Wal-mart or Target again for months.

Tuesday night was quite enjoyable. During the summer, I got to know some of the other incoming graduate students in my program. I always think day one of a graduate program can be pretty nerve shattering- so I thought getting to know some of the other newbies would be a good way to feel more comfortable with the program. In particular, I exchanged numerous emails with a fella named Colin. We discovered pretty early on that we had plenty in common. We both are coming in with our MA. We both love music. We both have cats. So, finally, on Tuesday night, Tim and I were scheduled to meet up with Colin and his girlfriend, Sarah. (I hope Sarah is spelled correctly.)

Meeting up with folks you have talked to over email, but have never seen in person is pretty funny. Mostly because you have no idea if the conversations you have had over email will translate to in person. You have no idea what they look like. It was sort of like a blind date for Tim and I with a couple. We met them at a place called The Gold Rush, which was pretty rad. We had a great time. And yes, the conversations and interests all translated. We all got along famously. I do believe this bodes well for our time in Nashville. After our drinks at The Gold Rush, we crossed the street to The Exit/In, which is a club where Tim and I will be seeing Bon Iver and AA Bondy next week.

Wednesday was a bit less interesting. It was another day of unpacking. We did venture down Charlotte Pike again to another used bookstore/records/dvds called McKays. We decided to take a couple of boxes of cds and books to trade. When our trade was processed, I walked up to the counter and the young lady working told me that we were given 209 in trade. I thought 2.09 sucked for all I brought in, until I realized she meant two hundred and nine dollars. Fuck yeah. So, now we have a credit that will keep us in free books and cds and dvds for at least another couple of months.

And finally today...we have officially been here one week. I have all the windows covered with curtains. I have unpacked my desk and set it up for the ultimate school experience. The last thing left to do in the house is to hang our paintings and pictures. I hope to finish this tomorrow. And it will all be completed. We will be moved in.

The week ahead brings promise. Tomorrow, we'll be visiting an in-store performance by Conor Oberst and his new Mystic Valley Band for free at Grimey's. We will also attend his performance at Mercy Lounge. Saturday, we'll be spending our time at the Tomato Art Festival in East Nashville...and hopefully, seeing my friend, Heather. Sunday, I swear I'm seeing the Nashville Sounds. When I finally make it to my first rock show and first baseball game, I think I'll feel like I really live here. In Nashville.

I ain't missing you at all....

2008-08-03T19:55:00.000-07:00

When I thought about Myrtle Beach today, which was fairly easy considering the daily paper here in Nashville featured a story about Myrtle for their main travel piece...I thought of this song by John Waite.

Every time I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here
And you're miles away
And I'm wondering why you left
And there's a storm that's raging
Through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time
Thinking about you
And its almost driving me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight
I ain't missing you at all...

Here are some pictures of how we spent our last few days. One night was undoubtedly spent at Rockefellers. We had plans to meet some folks up there for our last Saturday night. When Jaime and Mikey arrived, we discovered that Mikey had visited a beach store to dress up for us. I think the idea was to laugh about tourists and to remind us of what we'd be missing. As the night wore on, there were tons of drinks, some tears, some dancing, some hot peppers, lots of photography, and some freak of nature feats. We had a great time. And it was then, while I drunkenly walked to the bathroom that it hit me how many friends we had at the beach, but also how much I would miss them. After all the outpouring of emotion, I mentioned to Tim that we should have said we were leaving much earlier. Particularly because it meant that after all the drinking- we only had a 3 dollar bar tab. A record, for sure.

We also spent our last couple of days moving. It essentially went like this...we packed a truck with our stuff, drove it to Dillon, packed a pod-like structure, drove back from Dillon, finished packing, barely cleaned the apartment, slept, woke up the next morning and packed the car. In the middle of all of this hell-like experience, we did stop to have our last supper with our neighbor Patrick. During this last supper, he managed to eat the largest plate of food I've ever seen.

The last morning, I took a few pictures. Because besides missing the folks at Rockefellers and Patrick, I realized how much I'll miss our "stray" cat, Gravy. Well, we named him Gravy. His real name is Batman. He adopted us. I considered taking him with us. I just couldn't imagine Gravy loving the urban life style. I have been worried about him. I continue to worry and think about him. If I think about it too much, I get a little choked up about it. It is tough when animals adopt you. And even harder, when you know you can't take them with you. It just wouldn't be right. So,I am sitting here in Nashville tonight- hoping that Gravy isn't sitting on my old porch waiting to be fed- but rather, I hope he has climbed a tree, caught a squirrel to eat, and then swaggered down Ocean Boulevard.

The End of the Bucket List

2008-08-03T19:36:00.000-07:00

So, what happened with the bucket list? How did it all end up? Honestly, with packing and coordinating moving 10 hours away...some of the list fell away. I didn't play mini-golf. I didn't ride the pirate ship. And believe it or not, but I didn't perform karaoke. That doesn't mean I didn't rock out to some karaoke though.

What other items did I complete?

I had planned a trip to the Raw Barrrr. It was my amended #8. It shouldn't have been amended. I'm pretty sure that a meal at the taqueria would have been much more fulfilling. Tim and I did have one drink at the raw barrr. It was awful. See, the raw bar is located next door to a huge restaurant called the Giant Crab. The Giant Crab is one of those huge calabash type restaurants that generally allows tourists of all sizes and shapes to pay some astronomical price for "all-you-can-eat." Then you proceed to stuff yourself with various fried fish delights. The odd thing about these places is that they also have other items on the buffet, like chicken wings. Seeing as I don't partake in eating most of these delicacies from just about anywhere but the local area- the raw bar was no treat. It smelled of leftover fried food. The stench is apparent from pulling into the parking lot- or perhaps that is the smell of neighboring McDonalds. The bar itself is filthy. There are tons of tourists stuffing themselves around us. They sit eating crab leg after crab leg, while remarking how great it is to eat food from the nearby ocean. We made our way through one drink before leaving for a much more favorable bar, namely Rockefellers.

And yes, we did make our way to the lovely karaoke night with Cheryl Z at Pat and Mike's in Little River. Tim and I found ourselves at this establishment during our stint at the beach, while he was reviewing the restaurant. We were originally annoyed by sitting right in the middle of a huge karaoke fest, but after a couple of drinks- we were pleasantly surprised with the talent that was featured. So, I decided if I was to EVER perform karaoke- it would be this place. Our last Sunday in town, Tim, Patrick and I drove out to Little River with the hopes of performing. I had decided in advance that I wanted to perform Handle with Care by The Traveling Wilburys. I thought it featured plenty of parts for the three of us. Unfortunately, Cheryl Z did not have this number in her thousands and thousands of hits to pick from. So, I opted out. I wasn't prepared for anything else. And, I wasn't drunk enough for anything else. This left Patrick to perform, though Tim was still considering it up until the last moment.

Patrick performed The Beatles' Ticket to Ride, which was awesome. The crowd loved it and he did a great job. I must say when he finished, I was a bit jealous and wished I had pulled it together for an impromptu performance. Though, I'm pretty sure that I made a pact with Patrick that we would perform karaoke in Nashville, when he visits.

Overall, the bucket list was a great idea. It made my last month in Myrtle Beach distracting. Perhaps I came up with the bucket list to avoid dealing with any emotion of loss or grief for leaving the place I wanted to leave for the last year. Not to mention, saving the option of mini-golf for another time just ensures that I'll make my way to the beach sometime in the near future.

Flying with Teenagers

2008-07-22T12:28:00.000-07:00

3. Take a ride in a beach helicopter. Or perhaps go parasailing over the ocean.

So, I'll admit, parasailing may have been ultimately more exciting, but after my up close and personal experience with the ocean on the casino boat- and due to some financial restraints- a quick ride in a helicopter seemed to fit. I don't know if lots of people have been in helicopters. I never have. I was curious about what it'd feel like to ride over the ocean in one of the 'choppers. So I did. Today.

Since I was going alone, I had to wait to until some other folks came in- as each helicopter requires 3 folks. Finally, my turn had arrived. I was to ride the helicopter with two young men from West Virginia. Then the receptionist said we need to figure out our seating arrangement as based on our weights. The heaviest would be sitting in the back, opposite the pilot to balance the helicopter. Now, I know that most women would feel slightly nervous about blurting out their weight in front of a waiting room of people. Not me. And surprisingly I wasn't the heaviest.

I finally won over the two young men, when I joked about them being scared. We had bonded.

Here is the ol' helicopter now...

Here is the view from the 'chopper of North Myrtle Beach and Atlantic Beach.

And all you could hear throughout the journey on the headphones was "AWESOME!" It really was. It was beautiful. It was also a little scary. It definately was too short. I could have spent half a day up there.

Airbrushed Turns To Tie Dye

2008-07-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

10. Get an airbrushed t-shirt/hat/picture/jean shorts/raft of Tim and I.

As I mentioned yesterday, I decided to "opt out" of the airbrushing and "opt in" to the creative task of tie-dye. But why tie-dye? Mostly because of the following video. I'm not sure if it was the tie-dye t-shirt or those tight pants, but I watched Robert Plant's every move with a dangerous curiosity. It was then that I realized how f-ing rad tie-dye t-shirts are...and how badly I wanted my own shirt.

Apparently, they don't regularly sell RIT dye at grocery stores, so I found myself sifting through the craft section of my least favorite discount store. I do love the craft section though. So many projects. So many wall-hangings and birdhouses and scraps of fabric. Luckily, this soulless store sold a wonderful tie-dye kit. It came with the rubber bands, four colors, rubber gloves, and some dyed ties. It seemed like a good deal.

Here is is our process....

And down below...the final products. At least two of them. as the others dry, I will continue to post.

An Update on My Bucket List

2008-07-21T19:48:00.001-07:00

I've decided to make some changes to the bucket list...

I am changing #7. This item required my visiting the aquarium. I've always wanted to go- but in driving back from Nashville the other day, I realized that Ripley's has their aquariums all over the place. So, I felt it didn't really accurately represent a Myrtle Beach adventure. I've decided to swap out the aquarium for a visit to Broadway at the Beach. Now, Broadway isn't particular to the area- in that I can visit many of the same stores that you'd find in any mall- but this one has the nostalgia park for the pavilion...so I'll have an opportunity to ride one of the old rides from the now defunct pavilion. I have my designs set on the carousel and the pirate ship ride (per my students' request).

I am also changing #8. Now, I like the idea of eating at the taqueria- mostly because it haunts me as I walk into the post office every other day. But I started thinking about places I always wanted to go since moving here...and then I remembered a bar that Tim and I visited once during a vacation. So, I figured, I could eat a bean and cheese burrito OR I could have some drinks at a bar that advertises itself as the "raw barrrrrr." Need I say more?

Onwards to #9...Oh, Dmitri. I am saddened to say I don't think Dmitri and I are going to spend an evening sitting on my front porch trying to communicate with one another. How sad. But I did take a picture of him while he bagged groceries. I'll miss you Dmitri. Maybe next summer you'll come work on Broadway in Nashville? Please...

And lastly, #10...the airbrushing. I did venture to an airbrushing booth- to find out I'd have to pay about 10 bucks for one license plate. It just didn't seem very efficient. So...after seeing a couple of tie dye shirts at the local Waves- and watching Robert Plant sporting one on an old live DVD- I was hell bent on making some tie dyes and then bringing them back into style. Making them hip again, not reserved for the Widespread Panic show that Tim is frequenting right now (hey, he is getting paid!) So, we made tie-dyes last night. They are in the process of drying and being washed- so prepare yourself.

Tomorrow, I'm off to my helicopter ride. There is no predicted storm. I've already checked.

Casino Boat Cruise From Hell: The Perfect Storm

2008-07-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

2. Gamble on a casino boat.

I'm not sure why I wanted this item to be on my bucket list. Before I placed it on the list, it seemed like a damn fine idea, given my financial circumstances. I had never gambled before (unless you consider the occasional lottery ticket) and I had never been on a cruise before. So, it seemed like the appropriate thing to do. It also seemed more intriguing because I had passes that meant I only had to pay $10 bucks and I could board, eat, drink...all for free. It seemed perfect.

When I mentioned my bucket list to Jennie Ann, this was the one item that she seemed ultimately thrilled about helping out with. So, with her visit this weekend- we decided to saddle up and take our cruise on Saturday. Upon waking on Saturday, I noticed it was extremely cloudy outside. I looked on the weather site and discovered a small tropical storm was headed toward our coast. I quickly phoned the cruise line (which due to any number of possible lawsuits- I will leave the name anonymous). They informed me that the boat would still be setting sail at the normal time. I figured this must mean it was safe. My mistake.

Upon boarding, the first thing I noticed was there was no instruction, no direction. Hell, I had no idea where the food was, where the slot machines were, how I was to get change, and where the hell the boat was even located. A few wrong turns and we found ourselves being run through metal detectors and walking onto the boat. Hell, I was excited. I do believe the evening before I even dreamed that I won a couple of thousand dollars. Now, that would have been too perfect.

Jennie Ann and I figured that we'd grab a bite to eat before the boat took off. They had a buffet line, which featured a number of unfavorable veggies and some even scarier looking meat. I grabbed some green beans, some potatoes, a doughnut, and a muffin. And oh yeah, a sprite. There was something about this boat I already knew would make my stomach feel unsettled. The following picture I think communicates very well the exact glory and just how delicious the food was.

After eating, we noticed that people were already setting up at slot machines and tables. Apparently, you are suppose to locate the machine you'd like to start with- then place a piece of paper in the slot to indicate to all other gamblers you had reserved this machine. This was the fun part. We found a couple of .25 cent machines, which we then proceeded to try to interpret. Luckily, we made friends with an older gentleman that sat nearby. He informed us about how to use the machines, but also gave us hints about how to "win." We sat talking with him, while the boat began to motor up and pass down the waterway. It was beautiful really, as we started to pull into the ocean (into what are "international waters"). I was excited. See below.

As we got further out in the ocean, we ran right into the storm. The waves started getting bigger. The boat was bouncing upon each wave. I started feeling a little uneasy. Luckily we asked our older friend to tell us interesting stories, which were about gambling, his Navy career, and some weird story about falling in love with one woman- then marrying another. As distracting as these stories became, I noticed something distinctly odd about my stomach. I knew that at any moment, they'd turn the machines on and I'd be a millionaire. But I also noticed that I had started to perspire a bit on my forehead. I started feeling sort of odd. So, I stumbled my way to the bathroom to throw some cold water on my face. While in there, I heard the speaker inform us that it was time. We could now gamble- and have free drinks.

Now, I'm normally a big fan of free drinks. Jennie Ann and I laughed about possibly having to call a cab home. But about $5.00 dollars into my gambling- when the waitress came waltzing over- all I could think about was that I wanted a sprite. And I needed one, now. We kept gambling. I won $30 bucks, which was helpful and distracting- but at the end of my first $10 dollars- I felt like I needed a little fresh air. The picture below communicates the dizziness and the unease I was starting to feel stuck on this casino boat, as it rocked back and forth.

We walked around the boat for a while. We thought some fresh air might make us both feel better, so we headed for the sun deck. I'm sure the sun deck is excellent when there happens to be sun. Instead the waves were crashing all about, the rain was coming in sideways, and I swear I imagined myself slipping and becoming the woman overboard. So, we found a small table in the bar area to take a rest. As I sat down, the most bizarre feeling came over me. I was utterly and completely- seasick. I realized never having been on a boat quite that far out in the ocean...I didn't realize I might be one of those people. I became consumed with overcoming this fault of mine. Jennie Ann got me a sprite (yes, this would be the second among 15 of them) and a dramamine. As the moments passed, I felt exponentially sick.

I told Jennie Ann to go off and gamble and let me get my sea legs and before long I'd be back in action. I glanced down at my watch, it was 1:30. I glanced out at the crashing waves. I thought to myself how I had no idea how I would make it for the next 4 hours. I also started noticing that I wasn't the only one sick. There were several others.

Around 2pm, I found myself locked in a bathroom stall. I didn't think I was so seasick that I was going to physically be sick (like that), but upon entering the bathroom and finding that I wasn't the only one in there who was sick- everything got worse. I am speculating that I spent about a half hour, walking back and forth from the bathroom. During this half hour, I noticed that the number of people getting sick increased. It increased fast. I started to believe this was the worst idea that I have ever had.

I heard people in the bathroom talking. Someone was discussing how many cruises they have been on and how they had never been sick. Someone else informed their friend that this was the first cruise they had been on...and now, the last cruise. I concur. I also heard one of the medic folks in the bathroom discussing why some folks get sick and others don't. Her highly trained medical opinion is that those folks that get seasick are inherently afraid of drowning. So, "we" are afraid and this makes us sick. What the fuck? No. I was hoping we would drown. It felt like at that moment, it was the ONLY thing that would stop this horrible rocking.

That is the thing about bucket lists- sometimes there are ideas you have. Sometimes these ideas are horrible. They are bad ideas. What was I thinking? A tropical storm. A rocking boat. A casino with loud sounds and bright, blinking lights. People were smoking constantly. I had no idea that people still smoked. I thought I was the only one left. But this cruise told me that I'm in the minority because I don't smoke 5 packs a day. I started to feel like the moment in Knocked Up when the character Ben says, "The mushrooms are turning on me!"

Around 2:30 pm or so, I stumbled out of the bathroom. I needed a place to lay down. There were a couple of couches filled with other sick folks. I noticed a couple sitting close by. They were laid back and there was a small space near them. I stumbled over, looking all fucked up, and pleaded that they share the couch with me. They were happy to help. The fella informed me to put my feet up in the chair, sit back, and close my eyes. And you know what, it worked. Now, I wasn't completely cured. Far from it, but I felt slightly better. I did continue to cling my "motion sickness bag" in hand, just in case. After sitting there in the peace and quiet, Jennie Ann found me. She informed me that I might feel better on the bottom floor, closer to the destruction of those evil waves. I told her to find me a place I could sit back and relax and I'd try to make it down. This was the last time I saw Jennie Ann until we were re-entering the waterway.

For the rest of the trip, I sat on this couch. I didn't get any cell phone service- or I swear I would have called my mom and pleaded with her to phone someone to get me off this horrible, horrible boat. I looked around, even more people were sick. They were everywhere. Little white bags in hand. And that same look on their face that said, "Fuck this."

Around 3:00pm, I noticed that a fella wearing a black shirt, black jeans, and black cowboy boots started setting up his microphone and guitar right below where I was sitting. I generally love music, but every strum of that guitar...I started to question if I would be able to make it back to the bathroom. The totally obnoxious, real full of himself entertainer proceeded to make jokes about all the sick people. Apparently it was funny. I also noticed how many people walked into the bar and either laughed or looked annoyed that we were taking up all the space. I wanted to yell out to them that this wasn't exactly how I planned to spend my day. But I just didn't have the energy. So, in my normal passive aggressive way, I just burned holes through them and wished this same sickness upon them.

In the middle of the casino boat rockstar's set, he had to take a break. Mostly because he could barely stand on stage. I started to worry that maybe the boat might not make it back to shore. The waves were incredible and they were pounding on the sides of the boat. I saw an older fella, who looked like someone who had previously served some time in the military, jump up and head to the back of the boat to inspect. This made me very nervous. I felt like he knew something I didn't. And the whole time I wondered if Jennie Ann had won a million for us yet.

Finally, the casino boat captain decided we needed to head back. They made an announcement that we shouldn't move, because the boat had to change course and head back and they would try their best to get us "safely" back to shore. See my concern? The boat motor started, making a horrible, scary sound. After about 10 minutes of a potential capsize situation, they announced we were free to move around again. Right.

I don't know if it was the fact I knew we were heading back or if the waves started to die down, but I started slowly feeling better. It was now 3:30 and I was wondering if I would have a chance to gamble away the rest of my savings (the other $10). It was around this time that a mean lady informed all of us sick folks that she needed to clean the room and that we'd have to move into another area. I swear...and I never think thoughts like this, but I thought, what a see-you-next-tuesday. The couple next to me looked at me in disbelief and asked, "Do we really have to move?"

I stumbled out into the casino. The smoking. The lights. The people. The sound. The music. I couldn't find a solo slot machine to make my home for the rest fo the ride. I couldn't find Jennie Ann. I thought that if I distracted myself, I might could make it without using that little white bag. And that is just what I did. I gambled for the next 30 minutes. Finally, I had service on my phone again and found out that Jennie Ann herself became sick shortly after venturing to find a place downstairs for me. She was sitting on the first floor, at the bar, with her head down, hood on the sweatshirt over her head, trying not to be sick.

I finally made my way down to her. And that damn entertainer was still going. And then the most hilarious thing happened, everyone started feeling better. You could tell. He was playing some Motown song and you noticed people laughing again. They were tapping their feet. We had survived. And mile by mile, I felt the nausea subside. Of course when I saw an extremely large man order a cheeseburger, I felt a little sick again. As we finished the ride, the entertainer got out his "dummy" and started performing his ventriloquist skills. Uh-oh, was I going to be sick again?

But we made it. I broke even on many different levels. Jennie Ann and I stood right outside the door, anxiously awaiting to set foot on the ground. The more we thought about it and talked, we realized it was almost like surviving some type of natural disaster. And I felt fucking exhausted. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible.

The picture below, which is totally and completely unflattering portrays the sheer hell that we endured on that boat.

After leaving the area and driving back to my safe neighborhood in Windy Hill, Jennie Ann and I realized we had a hankering for hangover food. And that is when we realized that the experience of being seasick was ultimately like having a hangover. The worst hangover possible. And here was the worst part- we didn't even get to drink and have a wild, rambunctious time to lead up to a hangover. At times, hangovers can be okay. Because you feel terrible, but you can sort of revel in all the weird things you did the night before. We didn't have that. All I had was the same $20 that I boarded the ship with (hell I had even paid 10 dollars for this wonderful experience)...but all the repercussions of the hangover were there.

I'm pretty sure we didn't talk about anything else for the rest of the night. I'm not sure I'll be able to talk about anything else for a few days. It was traumatic. It was horrible. And I am pretty sure that I'll never set foot on another boat again.

I'm moving on to my other bucket items. I've just got to wipe the slate clean.

Baseball and The Bowery

2008-07-18T12:55:00.000-07:00

Bucket List #4

4. Play the baseball game at the Fun Plaza (yes, again and beat Tim again) and have a cold budweiser at The Bowery.

the fun plaza. three rooms full of games. tim and i cashed in $5.00 and spent an hour or so playing. i spent most of my time playing the baseball game, which i adore so. i also played some pac-man and skee-ball. a lovely way to spend an afternoon. as much as i hate it, i didn't win- but tim did. see the photo album for a picture of tim with his winnings.

though i didn't intend- tim and i also thought it would be a good idea to stop by the gay dolphin for one last shopping trip.

for those of you that haven't stopped by the gay dolphin, it is a great place to sort through old junk and new junk. in the past, i found some awesome michael jackson pins. this time, i settled on some vintage postcards, particularly some windy hill postcards (our neighborhood). i also decided this would be a good time to purchase a tennessee magnet for our refrigerator.

and lastly...the bowery. the bowery in myrtle beach is one of the most famous bars in the area, if not the most famous. the bowery is not only famous on its own right, but is quite a famous bar for my family. now, i do have a disclaimer- i don't typically like to support places that are covered in confederate flags, but i felt that for once- i needed to stop in for a drink. one beer.

i remember hearing stories about the bowery growing up. my mom once told me a story about going to the bowery when she was little. my grandmother took her and the other kids with her to go out for the night. my mom remembers sitting under a table at the bowery, while the shenanigans took place. i can only imagine the images she saw...as feet shuffled around through the bar and loud music played from the stage.

as terrifying at the bowery seems to me, i felt it was necessary to stop in. we made our visit around 4:30 on thursday. the "real" bowery was not yet open, but the smaller bar next door was- the actual bar that serves the bowery. tim and i saddled up to the bar for our one drink. the fella running the bar joked with us and informed us there would be a two drink minimum. funny thing is- we ended up having another. at which time, he informed us there was a 3 drink minimum. then after ordering another, he informed about the 5 drink minimum. you get the point. we ended up staying for several drinks. when he asked where we were from and we informed him we live in windy hill, he asked quite plainly, "then, why are you here?" he was charming. he served us what he called "the bowery buffet", which was a bowl of popcorn. honestly, after the drinks, the bowery buffet was absolutely delicious. as the hours passed, the music got louder. i imagine that around 1:00am, the place was absolutely insane.

if you'd like to see more pictures of the event, click on the photo album below.

What Can I Find In The Fridge?

2008-07-07T18:47:00.001-07:00

i think i've already explained the financial situation of my summer. i've actually gone through my closet a second time looking for items to ebay. i'm starting to lose all sense of sentimentality. if i think it might sell, i'm listing it.

this also means i have to be careful with my food supply in the house. being careful also equals being creative. i cook about a pound of dry beans a week. i buy cheap bread. i make use of all leftovers.

today, i wondered about what was left in the fridge for dinner. i opened the door and looked around.

there were a couple of avocados leftover from the 4th of july cookout. now, avocados are expensive. super expensive in comparison to what i usually allow myself to spend on fresh fruits and vegetables. besides that i think some people argue just which category the avocado would fall in.

what else was there?
some leftover tofu that needed to be used immediately.

so, i thought "what can i make for dinner with an avocado and tofu?" i quickly typed these two ingredients into google search. the second item that came up was this link

but...i don't have any yogurt. and i don't have brown rice. no black-eyed peas. no chili powder. man, this isn't going to work.

the thing about being frugal is that you can't give up too quickly. you have to think on your feet. hmm. i had some vegan sour cream that could fill in for the yogurt. i have white rice. i have some leftover black beans that were slow cooked with cumin and bay leaves. and hell, paprika and cayenne pepper will always help fill in the blank for the chili powder. i also threw on some leftover diced jalapeno peppers and green onions.

it was absolutely delicious. the kind of delicious that you count the hours until you get to enjoy the leftovers. i've only got to wait 16 hours.

My Floppy Beach Hat

2008-07-05T16:07:00.000-07:00

#1 on my Myrtle Beach list has been accomplished. Check. 9 more to go.

Myrtle Beach Wishes

2008-07-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

Now that we are in our final countdown of Myrtle Beach days, I thought it would only be proper to not only evaluate the last two years here (which will be done at a later time), but rather try to ensure I do all the things in Myrtle Beach that I should have done before leaving. Here is the thing about the beach- when you live here, the things like mini-golf, the ocean, and Ripley's Believe It Or Not sort of fall away. You forget there is a beautiful ocean across the street from your house. You forget there are some awesome (world famous) mini-golf courses. And despite all of your best laid plans, you often forget you should have at least gone parasailing once.

So, what are those things I want to do? What is planned for my final 30 days, though we are closer to 27 days now. It is a bucket list for my Myrtle Beach days. I came up with the 10 items today, while on the beach. I'm not saying I'm going to achieve all these goals, but I'm damn sure going to try.

1. Buy an obnoxiously large floppy beach hat.

2. Gamble on a casino boat.

3. Take a ride in a beach helicopter. Or perhaps go parasailing over the ocean.

4. Play the baseball game at the Fun Plaza (yes, again and beat Tim again) and have a cold budweiser at The Bowery.

5. Play a round of mini-golf. (I know, I know...there is a flippin' course about 2 blocks away...and we've never played. How about that Ripley for believe it or not.)

6. Witness and/or perform karaoke at Pat and Mike's in Little River. This one requires the attendance of both Tim and Patrick.

7. Visit the aquarium. This is the one that is the least attractive item on this list- mostly due to the droves of tourists that line the walls during this time of the season.

8. Eat at the taqueria next to the post office, while enduring confusing stares from the employees when I ask for beans only.

9. Get up the nerve to ask the Eastern European visiting workers that fill every single restaurant and grocery store for the summer to come over. I hope to find out about their experiences. In particular, we already have our designs set on Dmitri.

10. Get an airbrushed t-shirt/hat/picture/jean shorts/raft of Tim and I.

Apartments and Sports Bars

2008-07-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

It is official. We've put money down on an apartment in Nashville. We'll be spending (at least) our first nine months in Nashville living in an area of town referred to as Germantown. As I ascertain more photographs of the new living space, I'll post more. I say more pictures, because yes, we put a deposit down on an apartment, we have merely seen 5 pictures of. So, after our upcoming visit, I'll have more information for you.

On another note, the other night, Tim and I were watching Anthony Bourdain's show No Reservations. Now, I adore Bourdain. I can't quite remember what distant land he was visiting, but I do remember him making a comment about an individual from the US that had relocated to this foreign land. He commented about the fella moving to this area and how his restaurant features food from the native land that he was currently inhabiting. He offhandedly mentioned how it was good he didn't move to this new land and open a sports bar.

I thought to myself that this comment seemed odd. It almost felt like to me that someone from the US moving to open a restaurant that represents "America" would undoubtedly be a sports bar. Really? Then I started to think about how here (in the US) we enjoy when new immigrants arrive and open up a restaurant that provides food from their native land.

So, then I begin to think that perhaps the comment was more about what "American" food consists of. I think I even felt a little offended. Now, I enjoy food from all around the world. At the same time, I don't believe that all "we" have to offer is sports bar cheese fries and mini-hamburgers. It seems to me that what is great about food in the US is that it is often an amalgamation of the various folks that live here currently. Of course, the food here has been shaped by the immigrants that make our country what it is. And this is why when I watch the Ken Burns' documentaries- I actually start feeling extremely patriotic. Burns discusses how baseball and jazz became what they are because of the very nature of this country. It is a country of immigrants. It is a country of various influences.

I'm absolutely the wrong person to be getting into any details about this....as Tim is better suited for this discussion, but there was just something about the comment that made me love Bourdain just a little less.

sleeveless shirts and such

2008-06-23T06:02:00.001-07:00

i teach an online course...and in our discussion board they were attempting to explain where their attitudes developed about gun control. it always turns into a forum of pro-gun...but a student posted this comment this morning.

"Though I generally agree with the 2nd amendment, I think some people lose the right to bare arms."

ha. so, apparently the 2nd amendment didn't speak to times of war, but rather to tank tops and sleeveless shirts. and by the way, i agree, some people do lose the right to have bare arms.

Adventures in Real Estate and Other Things...

2008-06-15T13:27:00.000-07:00

yes, i admit it. i'm a sucker for reality cooking shows. i discovered i like shows where the participant is responsible for producing something- even with a side of drama. so, i find myself watching top chef, hell's kitchen, project runway. i don't really like shows where a tangible product is not produced (i.e. american idol, so you think you can dance, bachelor/ette). regardless, i found it interesting on the finale of top chef last week the way that the judges responded to a comment made by finalist, richard (pictured above).

richard remarked that he felt he had f-ed up his final challenge. he made these comments at the moment where the judges had asked all contestants to make their last plea for why they should stay. he was honest. right as the contestants left the room, the judges started discussing how they couldn't believe richard just said that. and i paused and thought, "really?"

it seems that failure or mediocrity is not to be mentioned. if you feel like you have not created/produced up to par, you should pretend that you excelled. you should LIE. you should get in the judges' face and in faux-confidence inform them you are the best chef in the world, even though you didn't put any seasoning on the porkbelly. perhaps that was part of your plan. and even if it wasn't, you should act like it was.

maybe it is just me, but i think it takes more strength and confidence for someone to admit when they really feel like they screwed up. if a chef can't tell when they've made a mistake- wouldn't this make them horrible? shouldn't you know good from bad? i suppose my academic training has taught me there is nothing wrong with admitting fault. when you conduct research, one of the most important and final things you do in your paper/presentation is to tell the entire academic community where you went wrong. my method was not good. my sample too small. i should have used a different data set....see, for knowledge to be produced- it is ultimately important to see the weaknesses and strengths. to point them out, but to also pave the way for others. and you know what, it makes the research stronger, as well as the members of that community. apparently in the world of top chef, you should pretend you don't know the difference.

i wish that reality television was the only thing going on in my life right now. i'm currently teaching 3 summer classes. i'm trying to figure out how to move to nashville. and i'm trying to figure out where to move to nashville. a couple of months ago, i decided to buy a house. when i realized that i've given the landlord at my current apartment about 20K over the last few years, i realized what keeps me from rising into the middle class- real estate.

buying a house isn't as easy as i thought. you need loads of paperwork and loads of money. so, i've recently encountered a setback- namely, a job. so, now i'm grappling with finding a place to live in nashville for 2 months, so i can buy a house and then move twice- while starting my first few months of a doctoral program. what fun.

seeing as how i'm living from ebay sale to ebay sale (instead of paycheck to paycheck), i've been looking for all types of ways to cut costs. in case you aren't aware, there is a major price difference for spices in your grocery store. go to the regular spice aisle- generally where you can find sugar, flour, and other cooking/baking ingredients. pick up a jar of bay leaves. when i checked the other day, bay leaves in a jar cost around 6 bucks. but then venture a couple of aisles over...to the hispanic section (which by the way, does anyone else find it odd that this aisle is named "mexican" even though there is usually a more diverse hispanic population in the area?)...anyways, go to this ethnic aisle and you'll find spices for much, much cheaper. i found bay leaves (more than what you get in the bottle) for .79 cents. and it doesn't stop there...pretty much all the spices are much cheaper. the brand is badia. so go save some money.

What Goes Through Your Head

2008-05-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

they always say that when you are confronted with the moment of death, your life flashes before your eyes. you review very quickly all the happy and all the sad moments of your life.

this last weekend, while i was visiting with my best friend jennie ann- we decided to walk up to a local restaurant for a couple of drinks. as we were crossing the street at the appropriate crosswalk and during the appropriate time, a car came quickly around the corner very quickly. it came straight towards us. i'm not sure they originally saw us crossing the street.

so what happened? well. nothing. it was sheer shock. as the car came quickly toward me (of course, to veer away at the last moment), i stood in shock. my mouth gaping open with a look on my face that communicated, "what the fuck?" i didn't think of when i was 6 years old and my mom bought me a matchbox car. i didn't think about when i graduated from high school. i didn't think about my brothers' first day of elementary school. i thought nothing. shock.

besides that, i did reach out and grab jennie ann's hand. so there we stood. shock and awe. mouths open. holding hands. in the middle of the street.

i think this whole life and death thing is far less complicated that most people would have you believe. though, i'm glad i didn't die on the street in plaza midwood while on my way to some horrible bar.

SNL and Being Old(er)

2008-05-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

last saturday, after visiting the mayfest in north myrtle beach (which featured a couple of "members" of the beach boys and dean from jan and dean), we discussed our plans for the evening. i mentioned how i wanted to watch saturday night live, mostly because my morning jacket would be the musical guest.

then i made the comment about how watching SNL is good because you go out but ensure that you make it home by 11:30pm. that is when i realized, i never use to watch SNL when i was in my 20's. i mean, it was an occasional experience, but i never really planned to watch it. and i never watched it because on a saturday night between the hours of 11:30 and 1am- i probably didn't know where my car was...or where i lived. when i was younger, i was usually wasted at this time- on my way to finding out where the after party would be taking place.

now, i'm not casting a rose colored tint on my previous late night activities, because i'm glad i'm not trying to find the after party- because honestly, it seemed a bit sick and sad in retrospect- but it just seems that if you are a regular SNL viewer...then you are either 1) on your way to being a certain age or 2) moving away from that certain age.

the thing is...a nice night staying at home watching snl and waking up on sunday feeling rested seems like a perfect way to spend a saturday night. yes, i'm old.

My Summer of Craftiness

2008-05-07T14:41:00.000-07:00

today is day one of my summer break. as some of you may know, summer is at both times the greatest and worst time of the year for teachers. you go from organizing the grades and schedules of 100-200 students to not even organizing your own day. you also go from having a pretty regular income to having absolutely none. now, i am doing some teaching this summer- but it also means that i'm coming up a bit short. with the upcoming move, i've been considering numerous summer employment options.

one involved me working with alligators and outside.

another one involved working at one of those places where you "model" for customers.

and then i realized i'm going to have to play this summer like the White Sox won the 2005 series. one ball, one base, one run at a time. so, i figured out the total i need to earn for moving by the end of the summer. and i've now gone about chipping away at this total. i figured i'm saving myself at least 50 bucks a week by not leaving my house. besides orchestrating a deal to work manual, hard labor for my mother for a week- i'll probably be calling on you this week to see what i can do for you. that's right, i'm for hire.

besides that...i discovered today that students shouldn't be the only ones that are allowed to sell back their books at the end of the semester- which was certainly one of the most awesome days in college. what a brilliant idea. your parents buy the textbooks at these outstanding prices, then you sell them back at less than half the price and keep the money, never mentioning that bottle of southern comfort to mom either.

so...my horrible confession. i sold back books today online. i couldn't fathom being caught by any students, so i went online- where all wrong-doers can feel better about themselves. i'm pretty sure i'm not even suppose to be doing this. but once i saw that i could get 26 bucks for one book, i was hooked. to clear my guilt, i did donate a couple of books to bringing about world peace...but here is the thing...after it was all said and packaged for the post office- i earned about 170 dollars today.

now only 2830 more to go.

Fortune Cookie, Take Your Time

2008-05-07T10:20:00.000-07:00

i'm not a religious person. i try not to say "things always happen for a reason" too often. as i always question, well- why? why do things always happen for a reason? it just doesn't make any sense, particularly without the great patriarch pulling the strings in our lives.

that being said (which is something i try to say often), i find myself seeking meaning in the oddest of places.

1) i always believe that if a random homeless person approaches me and provides me with some nugget of philosophical rambling- that this has particular importance for my particular life.

2) i supremely believe in the power of what i call "the radio game." this game got started on the many, many long road trips that i took during high school and college. finding myself bored with all the tapes i had packed, i would switch on the radio. finding a great oldies station, i would designate the next song as my theme song. the song that would tell me something about my life. then i would spend those 3minutes seeing how sam cooke's chain gang related to my life. of course, this game can be played with any radio station- as well as i have adapted it for my ipod, by simply using the shuffle option. beyond your theme song, you can provide narrow parameters- for example, "this is my song about this weekend" or "this is my song about moving" or "this is igor's song about his love affair with gravy"...yes, it is very entertaining and yes, the possibilities are endless. though i do find myself spending WAY too much time on the road playing this game.

3) i've always found fortune cookies to be ultimately telling about my life. and i don't think i'm the only one that believes in this power. it reminds me of a scene in no country for old men. in that we like to imagine this particular fortune cookie traveled all that distance just to make it to our particular table on this particular evening...just to communicate this particular message to us. perhaps it has no meaning at all. (note: this was the best clip i could find, but it cuts off one second too early...before he says, "which it is.")

regardless, i have recently received these two fortunes...i'm still trying to interpret accurately the first one. any suggestions will help.

1) the best throw of the dice is to throw them away.

2) don't be hasty; prosperity will knock on your door soon.

Two Types of People

2008-05-01T09:24:00.001-07:00

it dawned on me yesterday on my way to school that there are two types of people in this world. there are those who merge into traffic easily, quickly, and without the incoming lane of traffic having to slow down.

then there are those that don't merge into traffic easily. they hesitate. they stop and place their blinker on at the end of the merging lane. it causes the entire lane of traffic to stop, slow, have to get over into other lanes. trouble-makers, i call them.

i think its hesitation due to a lack of being able to see a few steps ahead in time.

two types. and it speaks about more than just your traffic courtesy...but could perhaps be applied to other areas of life. not that i'm passing judgment.

yes, classes are almost over.

2008-04-22T09:36:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, Tim brought home a copy of Vanity Fair's April 2008 issue. On the cover are images of Sarah Silverman, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler with an article entitled, "Who Says Women Aren't Funny?" My interest was piqued. Are women not funny? And who is the unfunny motherfucker who said we aren't funny? Imagine my distinct surprise when I discovered that this article was written in reference to Christopher Hitchens' article from the January 2007 issue entitled, "Why Women Aren't Funny."

Now, I'm fond of Hitchens. I like the fact that he is not only in your face about his arguments, but he can back up his arguments with history and research in a way that leaves you scratching your head for a response. That being said, he can mess with the religious folks all he wants, when he trespassed into my territory- a different story. Yes, I'm selfish. I can't help it. I'm a woman.

Here is a link to Hitchens' story from Vanity Fair. "Why Women Aren't Funny."

Like I said, I found myself trying to debate his points. And I think as usual, Hitchens writes in a way that is meant to offend. We can't blame him. He is a man. Regardless, I think he makes some interesting and valid points. Not all of them hold up, but some good talking points.

For one, he speaks about humor as being part of relationships. So, women look for men with a good sense of humor and men look for women with a good sense of exercise. He does also mention the societal expectations placed upon men and women. So, men feel the necessity to hone this craft over the years- to not only pick up women, but also to compete with other primates (oops, I meant men). Women, on the other hand, have learned over the years that being funny is threatening to men. So, they do not spend time on this craft in fear running off the men-folk if they do make a joke. Particularly if the joke is at his expense.

Here is one line I particularly enjoy: "Whereas women, bless their tender hearts, would prefer that life be fair, and even sweet, rather than the sordid mess it actually is." I just don't even know where he is gathering this data, not from the women I know. Fuck, the idea that life is fair and sweet, that ship sailed long ago.

Hitchens also remarks that women, for some reason (really?), "do not find their own physical decay to be riotously amusing." I question, why should we? When merely several paragraphs before you informed me that this is my worth in society? If my worth is based on my physical body, why would I laugh at this decline? Perhaps this is equivalent to us (and it pains me to even get into "us" and "them") saying your jokes aren't funny anymore. Or I've heard that one before. "I don't know, his jokes just seem sort of flat and he isn't really working on them anymore, perhaps I should find a newer model."

Much of this article speaks to women being sacred earth mothers. Part of motherhood is what makes them so damn unfunny. Though Hitchens does start to turn his argument around in saying that it is the nature of this societal relationship where women learn not to be funny. He isn't saying it is a biological deficiency, but rather to keep him around, she must learn to keep this humor to herself. Laugh at his jokes. It is all a farce that we must put on as women. Talk about second shift.

I could go on and on about Hitchens' article, but there is also the issue of Alessandra Stanley's article in response. Stanley's article didn't feel like a response to me and shouldn't have necessarily been sold that way. I read on some blog a moment ago a fella remarking how "not" funny this article was, as well as how it took her 14 months to craft her unfunny response. I wonder if the world of publishing had anything to do with the time lapse. I do have to say that I didn't really care for the article. It focused more on modern day comedy, speaking to the fact that women to be successful in the humor business, must be both sexy and funny. I just didn't feel that Stanley adequately responsed or tore Hitchens a new one as I so anxiously hoped she would.

Before I read the articles, I immediately thought...okay, so after cleaning the house, cleaning up after you and the kids, struggling for a comparable wage in our workplace, and ignoring the catcalls while we walk down the street- we obviously forgot to work on our humor. Damn those women, Lazy bitches. Then I started thinking about what is humor? Perhaps there are different standards? Perhaps humor is a luxury. Something you need the time and privilege and prestige to develop or find appreciation in? Just some initial thoughts.

After reading both articles and mentally digesting them, I started to think about women I find funny. The first women that came into my head were the women from the classic video The Queens of Comedy. And that was when I realized, both articles in Vanity Fair presented a world of mostly white humor. They did bring up the issue of Jewish humor, which according to Hitchens is predominately a masculine humor. The article on women threw in Maya Rudolph and Wanda Sykes amongst the world of whiteness. One has to wonder about women of color. Perhaps being doubly disadvantaged makes you less funny? Could it be that being paid even less in the workplace makes you have less and less time for cracking jokes?

Then I also wondered about Hitchens argument about relationships. This was quite heterosexist. One wonders about gay and lesbian couples. Apparently all gay couples sit around joking constantly, while lesbian couples sit around completely devoid of humor. I'm trying to understand how this historical development of men and women might affect anyone other than white, heterosexual men and women who are trying to get it on.

And yes, I'm painfully aware how unfunny this entire blog is. Time and place.

Here is one of my favorite parts of The Queens of Comedy video. The language is filthy (which is a surprise because a (sweet, precious earth mother) woman is speaking) and so I urge you to watch this at home or with headphones.

Maybe this is what Hitchens was afraid of? I'm pretty sure he wears dress socks.

why would anyone want to be a mother?

2008-04-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

mother. when i think of the word mother, undoubtedly, i think of my mom. she is by no means a typical mother, but maybe she is. maybe she is just different from the images of mothers that we see in media. i started thinking about this upon seeing the two movies, juno and knocked up.

there has always been stereotypical images of mothers in media. but i do feel like in someof the newer movies, this image has changed. we've always had the images of mother as the sacred being, the heart to the family. it seems increasingly that the image of mother is becoming associated with being domineering, selfless, and well, bitchy.

here in this clip from juno, i think it shows this image. the mother (or hopeful mother) played by jennifer garner shows a woman who puts motherhood above all other desires. perhaps the image of motherhood is best demonstrated when posited next to our images of fatherhood. it appears as if the father is the one who sacrifices the most to become the husband and father. he has his own room for his guitar and music. he has submerged his identity to be part of this family. he has a good sense of humor. but what about her? it is as if being a wife and mother is what she always wanted.

when i watched this movie, i thought about how i identified more with the father character. he just seemed cooler. he liked good music. he had interests outside of the household.

and it happened again when i watched knocked up. the difference between the women and men was a more narrow margin, but i still felt that the images of the men were characterized in a "fun" way. they were the ones giving up more. the women were just asking them to do this. but you don't get the distinct impression that the women had to give up as much. thankfully toward the end of the movie, there is a scene where the mother and father (leslie mann and paul rudd) have a discussion that highlights the fact that she would like time on her own and that she sacrificed to be part of this family.

i just wonder where the images are of mothers who like good music, have hip movie posters hanging on the walls, and have a room full of their old stuff. the more i see these images, i wonder why anyone would want to be a mother?

The 3rd of April

2008-04-03T17:00:00.000-07:00

So, today...around 2:00pm, I have officially been in this world for 32 years. I'll be honest, I've had some trouble approaching this birthday. It isn't a particularly landmark birthday- I'm not 18, 21, 30, or even 40...But there is something to me about being 32 that marks my moving away from being 30...and really moving away from being in my 20s.

A few things I've learned on this birthday:

1) I can officially fall into the category of "cougar", apparently. Thanks Walt!

2) 32 sounds old to young folks. My students asked my age and when I told them, they remarked with horror that I don't "look THAT old." A compliment, but wait, am I old?

3) I like to stay "busy," which I discovered by clearing my schedule for the momentous day...and found myself wishing I had papers to grade or at least some work to do. I know sad, but you know, birthdays lose their excitement and significance after 3 decades.

4) That my brother John is a fucking funny motherfucker (I can still curse...I'm not that old yet!) See below.

My brother John sent me a copy of Chuck Klosterman's Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs for my birthday at my request. Here is a transcription of the card he sent me:

"A funny story about the search for this book: I went to Borders and found the book listing in the computer. It said the book was in the "erotica" section of the store. So I went perusing in the steamy section looking for this book, wondering why I was in this section while trying to find a present for my sister. I got a few stares from concerned parents and the Jesus freaks, whom which I overheard say "Science is only fact, therefore, It's not based on the truth. God created the earth, and Satan created the scientific method." If facts are lies and opinions are the truth, we're all screwed!

At this point in my search, I decided it was time to ask a salesperson where I could find this book. "Oh! That book is on the 3rd aisle over, four books from the top. I've read it 3 times already!"

Bravo! My search was a success. So here is your literary device packed full of pop-culture amputations. I thought about including Chuck Klosterman's sequel to this: "Here's How He Tickled My Pickle" found in "erotica" at Borders bookstore, but I'll save that for next year."

I laughed out loud.

I laughed out loud quite a bit today, despite my boredom. I got some great e-cards, some great Itunes gift songs (including a great birthday song from my mom), a great youtube video gift (Thanks Timmie Longstockings), sweet phone calls, and some great gifts. Thanks to all that remembered my birthday. Tonight I'll be watching No Country for Old Men and watching Tim's every reaction to the film. (Thanks Davis!)

Again, I was worried about being 32. The other night I mentioned to Tim that I realized I was merely 8 years away from being 40. Not that 40 is the end of the line, but it is a milestone birthday. I started thinking about what I'd like to do in the next 8 years. I still haven't quite figured out what is on the list. Then I started thinking about how my family members have mostly lived long, long lives. My grandmother and grandfather are both in their late 80s...and this includes a myriad of bad habits over the years. Some of the same bad habits I indulge in. So, this means, I probably have at least 80 to 90 years in me. Then Tim reminded me this means I have more than likely only lived 1/3rd of my life. Fuck yeah, I have 2 more lifetimes left to live. And that makes 32 a little easier to fathom.

to be without a home, like a complete unknown

2008-03-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

as many of you know, i visited nashville earlier this week. i was visiting vanderbilt because i had been accepted to their graduate program. there is always an interesting process of visiting a new school, new city. about two years ago, i went through this same process. i felt awkward. and i decided against going on for my doctorate. leaving for the trip this time, i was a bit apprehensive (as noted from my earlier blog).

but this visit to nashville and vanderbilt was different. i had the best time. i liked the program. i liked all the people i met. i had a fucking great time. and when i left on wednesday morning for my 10 hour drive home (albeit a bit foggy headed and driving through one hell of a storm)...i actually didn't want to leave. i figured this was a good sign.

i'm still waiting to hear from one other school, but it dawned on me today that even if this other school called me with the best possible offer, i still wouldn't want to go there. and so (drum roll please), i decided today to formally accept the offer at vanderbilt. that's right. you heard it here first. in august, i'll be moving to nashville. i'll be embarking on a whole new phase, new city, new school, and new friends. i couldn't be more excited.

a side note...i listened to dylan's like a rolling stone to honor the occasion...to solidify the memory, to put it to music.

fun with the family....

2008-03-15T14:08:00.001-07:00

now, we just need jambe....the elves are coming for you...

the nature of men....

2008-03-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

for those of you that don't know me...one of the quickest way to get my all fired up and pissed off is to say something like, "that is just the way men are..." or "that is just the way women are..." you know, the casual assumption that men and women are polar opposites, existing in two separate worlds. okay, we may live in different worlds...but not because we are so biologically different. i get really bent out of shape when i hear people say things like, "women are just by nature better with kids". fuck you. are we also better (by nature) at cleaning the house? and apparently keeping it in our pants?

what has me all fired up today? a few things....

for one, the whole deal with spitzer. last night watching the daily show, i was amazed at a point that stewart made about the differences in the way that spitzer was treated from larry craig. i'm sure you can find it on youtube (kathy saying disdainfully "everything is on youtube these days"). regardless, i was innocently checking my yahoo email account yesterday when i saw an article that claimed that SCIENTISTS could explain why powerful, wealthy, smart men like Spitzer would sleep with a prostitute or get involved in a sex scandal that could ruin his life? they reference other folks too...Hugh Grant, Bill Clinton, apparently the list was too long to include all of them. so what was the explanation?

evolutionary biology. goddamn it. it is the same argument that men, by nature, need to "spread the seed" around to ensure their genes make into the next crop/generation.

i took a whole semester of a class called gender and evolution. it was all based on this idea that our gender differences come from the evolutionary time period (apparently so does their research). okay, okay, i'm being over the top, but it all feels very simple. and i question how this wouldn't make women (from the evolutionary time period) want to sleep around too. perhaps she could sleep with as many different men as possible to ensure the strongest (and best) sperm fertilizes...wouldn't that be a way of weeding out the weak? well, how does she convince the menfolk to stick around to help her care for the baby and feed them? well, she certainly doesn't need to tell them her plan...make the strongest baby and then pick the strongest/richest/most stable man. then she has solved both problems. regardless, you should be able to tell that i think the evolutionary explanation for a man to sleep around is the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard.

i think this rant is also related to the fact that earlier this week, i picked up a copy of tim's gq magazine and read an article about "backburners". this term was relatively new to me, but the entire article was written by a fella who discussed the idea of how men have "backburners" also known as single women they have on the back burner in case something happens with their current relationship. besides the fact that the article seemed odd in that this particular fella was writing about his series of back burner girls...i think it feeds into a similar ideology. that men that need this outside attention of various ladies. i suppose it is in their nature? (please interpret my sarcasm). i almost wished there had been a rebuttal by this fella's current girlfriend about her "backburner" menfolk. what i'm getting at is again this idea that it is more in the nature of a man to have this than women.

don't get me wrong, i'm not condoning the idea of backburners, but simply implying how different it would be if this article had appeared in a magazine written by a woman or if a female politician had been sleeping around or even sleeping with prostitutes. but again....it just isn't in our nature, now is it?

i've also been thinking about the way that women are often portrayed as girlfriends or wives or mothers. when i saw the movie juno, i remember thinking about the drastic differences in the way that jennifer garner's character was portrayed from the way that jason bateman's character was portrayed. it seems often that women (in these particular roles) are portrayed with contempt. they are generally not "cool". they don't listen to cool music. they don't have fun hanging out with their friends. they don't miss their old life. they simply are ready to shack up, settle down, and procreate. it isn't just in this movie, but tons of others portray women in this light. i think these ideas make it difficult for any type of relationship or personal identity to prosper...to think you have to fit into this box. that women are suppose to be constantly nagging their husbands/boyfriends and that their counterparts are just sitting around trying to figure out a way to get away and spend the weekend with the boys.

there is even a commercial on now (though i think mostly on the ovation channel) that shows an older couple. the husband is trying to listen to the television (presumably a sports game- as we know women don't like sports) and the wife (in her typical nagging voice) shouts, "can you please turn it down?" the commercial is for a device that allows you to hear quieter sounds louder. the device is weird in itself in that it informs you that you can use this device to hear your neighbors' conversations...but while demonstrating this helpful, yet mundane fact...they show the older wife checking the mail and listening in on the conversation of two young women walking down the street. the young women are discussing their new neighbors (the old couple). one of the women says, "i haven't met her, but i've met him and he seems really nice." i bet. particularly if his biology has anything to do with it.

it has arrived...

2008-03-12T17:49:00.000-07:00

it is here...tourist season that is. the wanted ads are filling up the paper looking for seasonal help. the roads are getting busier. and then today, while walking on the beach, i smelled it for the first time this season...suntan lotion.

as so it begins...again.

get nervous...

2008-03-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

it happened last night. i finally got nervous about my upcoming trip to visit nashville. i'm sure the evil time change had part to do with it, but i found myself awake at 3am, tossing and turning...while my mind was not only singing dylan tunes in the background, but thinking of all the arrangements and questions that i have about my trip, and fuck, my entire life.

i didn't think too much about it when i finally did fall asleep and wake back up at a decent hour, but as i phoned in a hotel reservation...it came back. then when i left the house to run errands, i felt jumpy. i kept bumping into things. my hands can hardly keep still enough to type this right now.

i don't know why it happens, but change makes me incredibly nervous. hmm. i'm starting to consider how this might affect my political opinions...regardless, i feel awkward right now. i'm worried that i won't fit in during my visit. i'm worried that i won't be as bright as they thought i was. and then i started having really, really horrible thoughts, like "well, myrtle beach isn't that bad, after all..."

this nervousness is dangerous for me. it has kept me from doing tons of stuff i would have liked to in my life. excellent job opportunities and even excellent other school offers....but i get nervous. i get freaked out. and then the nervous laughter starts.

so, i'm warning you. if you get an email from me with typing errors...if this has typing errors, or we talk on the telephone and you hear the nervous laugh. forgive me, please.

Igor's Mudcats Welcomes...

2008-03-03T17:32:00.000-08:00

baseball has finally arrived. i've started to question whether i'm actually seasonally affected with depression or perhaps the DSM might want to give a look into "the lack of baseball" affected depression. regardless, i avidly awaited the first day of spring training, thought it wasn't televised- i knew. i could smell it in the air. i could feel it in the air. and just like that- all of life's little problems seemed to drift away. watching a ballgame many years ago, a friend of mine mentioned that there isn't anything more perfect than a ballgame. i concur.

this past friday, the first televised spring training aired on espn. the braves and the dodgers. i had envisioned an afternoon of beer drinking, shit talking, and screaming at a television in a local bar, but due to a previous late night- i decided to do all of the following at home with the excellent technology of email and text message available to me. i also decided that watching a ball game would be the perfect time to set up my fantasy baseball team. tim's team had been assigned within a day, so i ranked my picks for the 2008 season. my team didn't get assigned until this morning and the anticipation was excruciating. igor's mudcats for the past couple of years have fared well. my first year almost (yes, almost)coming in #1 and last year falling somewhere near #6 or 7. i was hell bent that this year would be our year. so i unveil a few of our star pitchers for this year:

Johan Santana (take that!)

C.C. Sabathia

Jonathan Papelbon

i have an excellent feeling about this season, as i round out my pitching staff with some others: cordero, glavine, maddux, okajima, blanton and garza. i never miss an opportunity to have "the professor" on my team...nor do i miss a chance to put him on a team with some of his old teammates.

other than pitching...posada, saltalamacchia, kelly johnson, josh fields, yunel escobar, francoeur, raul ibanez, griffey, loney, cuddyer, rasmus, and theriot.

i must warn the players above...there might be changes before the start of the season, no hard feelings.

What Happens When You Are 31

2008-02-20T14:34:00.001-08:00

i fully recognize the fact that i'll be 32 in only a few odd weeks, but while we are here...i find that in my age bracket, you find various things exciting and interesting...i won't go into a full list of these items, but rather express to you my excitement.

yes, i've been counting down the months (since last summer) and now, counting down the days (since last month) until the grand opening of the super bi-lo in my neighborhood. i grow quite attached to grocery stores and usually the folks that work in them (see an earlier post about the bag boy, pavel). regardless, the closest grocery store to our house is inadequate. you never can find any "weird" vegetables (ironically, this includes things like squash and bok choy), fresh herbs, and certainly finding tofu isn't happening. so you can only imagine my excitement in hearing that a super bi-lo would be taking its place in mid 2007. they missed the mark, but the grand opening is tonight.

you heard it here first. and it is even closer to my house than the old, fucked up bi-lo.

you would have thought tim and i were 80 years old (no offense, maw maw!)...as i emailed him with the news...."they've got an organic section"...and "i hear they have a cafe"...and "they are open 24 hours!" i'm not sure the last time i tried to go to the grocery store after dark, but apparently somewhere deep down, i feel this is a strong selling point.

now the funny part, i was on my way after work to the new super bi-lo. i called tim to share the joy. he was jealous. he might not admit it, but he was. so i asked if i should wait for him. and he said yes. that is what i'm doing right now. my anticipation is killing me.

what will it look like? where do they keep the flowers? and how big will the produce section be? the bakery? will titus still be working there? will they have new uniforms?

yes, it is killing me. it is also killing me that i wrote an entire post about the super bi-lo. you owe me bi-lo. you owe me big.

5 Items On My Bucket List

2008-02-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

last night, tim and i had dinner at a tapas restaurant. yes, it was our valentine's celebration. see, it is very easy to get into any restaurant you want on the night before valentine's. i've never really been into celebrating this holiday. that being said, after one beverage at dinner, our conversation did not situate on us discussing love and relationships, but rather death. ha.

specifically i was thinking about a NPR podcast that i listened to about the movie, the bucket list. the podcast was less about the movie and more about the idea of creating a bucket list, which is apparently the list of things to do before you kick the bucket. and of course, i was struck with the idea that it is completely ridiculous to wait until you get the "6 more months" diagnosis...to do all the things in life that you'd like to do...if you thought time was running out. why not do those things now?

then i started thinking...what would be on my bucket list? this is the question that filled most of tim and i's romantic valentine's dinner conversation. ha. but here is the list...

1) Live in Prague (for a short or long period of time).

2) Travel the United States, very low key...sleeping in the back of a truck, camping, meeting the seedy underbelly all over the world.

3) Live with my Mom again.

4) Try any and every drug I have ever been curious about.

5) Learn to play the pedal steel and then tour with a rock band.

I finished my list and then realized these were all pretty selfish requests...so I figured I could throw one more item that would include doing something for the better good....

6) Create an animal sanctuary.

Plotting her escape...

2008-02-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

i'm not sure if i've mentioned it or not, but i applied to doctoral programs for the fall of 2008. three places. vanderbilt. emory. and uva. it became part of my master plan to get away from myrtle beach. i mean, myrtle beach...we've had our good times, our bad times...but seriously, i need a little space.

regardless, today i heard from vanderbilt. i got accepted. i will be given an excellent package, if i choose this particular school. i've still got two more to hear from...so i'm not jumping to any conclusions. what if another school offers to give me a phd without having to attend? i'd probably take them up on that.

with that being said, it was the first time that i realized with assurance that i would be leaving the beach. regardless of whether or not the other schools want me, i have a place to go. i have a place that expects to see me in august. i scrolled through the current graduate students names wondering which one will be barnshaw? which one will be mike? which one will be my ewing?

on my daily walk on the beach, i sort of felt the joy and nostalgia of leaving a place. i looked out at the ocean and thought i'll miss it. when i arrived at school today and informed the department of my early news...they all were so very excited. they hugged me. they were proud. and i thought, yep, i'll miss it.

"And I
Never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away
Well then close your eyes and try to feel the way we do today
And then if you can't remember...

Keep smilin'
Keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me
for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times
And bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for"

Being an asshole and such...

2008-02-04T06:52:00.000-08:00

i honestly had no idea that i hadn't posted anything in so long...and that alone should be enough for you to recognize that i'm ultimately self-involved (why else would i have a blog?) and that i've been really caught up in myself lately.

besides school starting, i've also been in the process of going through some self revelations....those are actually quite boring, so i won't get into it right here, right now.

regardless, on friday night, tim, patrick, and i made our way to the pirates cove. the cove is one of the two places where we've heard someone playing the flaming lips over the loud speakers, so we like to frequent it. regardless, we also wanted to see this band, the magnolia network. i also had planned on watching them semi-sober, as i hadn't seen them that way before. there was a band opening for them called the second.

when the second started playing, i sort of pushed back in my chair realizing a night of planned sobriety was going to be more difficult than i realized. listening to the lyrics, tim and i made snide comments to one another. yes, surprise, surprise, i was being an asshole. yet again. and completely sober at that!

between the sets, a lovely young man came over and introduced himself, hopefully to be our third friend in this area...and while we were talking he asked if we had heard about the guy from the first band. so.....this is when i started feeling bad. apparently the guy was playing this show, because it is his last show. last show because he recently found out that he has cancer in his lymph nodes and has to have one of his arms amputated. i fucking kid you not. i think at this point in time, i decided it was okay to drink. sorry magnolia network, we'll try for complete sobriety some other time.

i spent the rest of the evening trying to imagine. i watched this young man walk around the bar, getting his picture taken with friends and family. joking with local patrons. and while i watched him smoke a cigarette with one hand and drink a beer with another- all i could think was goddamn......

and of course, the whole idea turns selfish for most people as you try to imagine yourself in this position. the fella was handling it obviously well. he seemed fine. he seemed nice even. and that made it even worse. here is someone going through a situation i couldn't begin to imagine, and he was doing it with such grace. not me. i wouldn't be graceful. i'd be drunk, belligerent, and demanding that the world owes me something. well a goddamn arm, for one.

i don't have any broad sweeping moral of this story. just some thoughts.

The Lone Democrat

2008-01-10T20:51:00.000-08:00

so i wasn't planning on necessarily blogging right when i got home about the debate, but i just can't help myself. first let me say, i'm glad that i went. besides the fact of if i didn't go, i would have been donating all that money to the repubs without getting anything for it...so i went. i got there very early, to be sure i could find a great seat near the aisle for quick get-a-way, if necessary.

so of my favorite moments from the debate:

1) there were a couple of good ol' boys behind me discussing the candidates and other political issues. apparently they got the tickets for free, which made me feel like an asshole in the first place. regardless...one of the first things they said was about ron paul (who brings the same type of disgust that clinton does among SC voters)...they remarked while reading his bio in the nifty book that was provided..."that ron paul, what could he offer us...i mean, he's a gynecologist." And this last word they drew out to indicate their disdain for that type of work. it made me realize that apparently anything that has to do with women is weak and disgusting. they then proceeded to discuss the demographics of the audience, which surprisingly (heavy on the sarcasm) was white. they remarked that there weren't many black folks in the audience, then the other friend (just as brilliant) remarked, "well, just wait until the one in a couple of weeks." (note: he was referring to the democratic debate. i swear i almost fell out of my chair.)

2) the emcee for the evening was brian wilson. no, not that one. the fox news one. apparently, we have differing opinions on what an emcee does, as i spent a couple of hours bored, without entertainment. regardless, the few entertaining remarks he made were completely asinine to me. but what i really hated was how he talked about the south. the things that he said to provide a "connection" with the audience was to discuss southern accents, sweet tea, and grits. fuck me. seriously. is that all the south means to anyone?

3) there were all sorts of things that happened technical wise. the rain, like only a myrtle beach rain can do, came pouring down and drowned out the sound. also causing a bit of mass confusion among attendees.

4) there were a few moments where the words "liberal" and "democrat" were used with such contempt that i was sure i would be "outed". and then thrown out, accordingly.

5) it was interesting to watch the interactions when ron paul spoke. i was NOT in the ron paul section, though i started to believe i should have been. i like many of paul's opinions, on the side of what is referred to as "conservativism"...i would have to say that he has some good ideas. regardless, any time paul spoke, the folks around me rolled their eyes...and even the candidates would denigrate him with their raised eyebrows and confused looks. if this didn't communicate to the world that they were not ALIGNED with paul, they also made comments about how weird and wrong his opinions are. there was even once that romney commented about how he didn't even know paul's views on immigration (at which time i said aloud, "read the paper")- mostly because i believe if you are running for president you should be aware of all other candidates positions. i mean, you expect us to educate ourselves on the issues, then i would assume you'd do me the honor of doing the same. of course, i think that romney knows...he was just taking another cheap shot at paul. it was then i realized why all of paul's supporters sat together (and loudly clapped often), it is because safety comes in numbers...and the regard the folks around me gave to paul, i realized this might not be a safe place to respond to his comments.

6)there were many kids at the debate. not kids like college kids, but kids kids...like under 18 kids. now, this is a great way to inspire your children to be part of the political process, but most kids were decked out in shirts and stickers to support a particular candidate. adolescence can be pretty confusing as it is, i'm not sure politics is necessarily a good idea- nor do i think a ticket costing me $150 would be well spent on a kid.

7)i also like huckabee out of the bunch. i mean, i have some issues (obviously) with many of his opinions, but he is a likeable guy. he has those dimples, he jogs (even in myrtle beach) every day, he has a sense of humor (as exercised tonight), he is a self-earned type of person, and he is generally respectful of people's beliefs...note, i said generally. i get the impression at times that he would be fine with a little nihilistic, atheist like me. he would most certainly disagree with my beliefs, but he seems to lean on the side of how religion shouldn't necessarily be part of the presidential job. of course, this does run contrary to the evolution discussion. and perhaps, abortion, gay marriage, war, military.

8) tim asked me a few weeks ago which republican i would be the most scared of...and i wasn't too sure at the time...but i do believe i figured it out tonight. i think john mccain scares the hell out of me. besides his likeness to cotton on king of the hill, i think the support of the folks around me and his stances on issues makes me feel a little nervous and jittery.

i think i better stop here. there were all sorts of interesting things that happened...their discussion of immigration and war, but hopefully you watched the debate- so no observation is necessary here. i do have to say that it felt very awkward to me to sit in this audience. i was surrounded. i started feeling claustrophobic at times, primarily when they were denigrating liberals and democrats...but i survived. i don't know if i was just confused about where i had been for the previous 4 hours, but when i left the building- i was so disoriented that i had trouble finding my car. and no, i wasn't drinking. i couldn't find the beer line. but i was thinking that it would have been a helluva lot more entertaining with a little alcohol at the event. but then again, some folks would say that everything might be a little more entertaining if alcohol was offered, like church for example. is that right?

Klosterman and The Republicans

2008-01-10T14:18:00.000-08:00

You can reference my other blog (www.musicismemory.com) to find out what I've spent my last 24 hours doing...I'll let you know, I was reading Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself To Live: 85% Of A True Story. Why would I blog about it twice? Well, for one, I try to reserve my book blog for more professional postings about music and memory...but on this one, I can be a bit more true to form.

Here is a quote from the book that demonstrates part of what I absolutely adored about it...the subtlety.

"I'm still half wasted when I awake, which is better than being hung over (but just barely)." -Chuck Klosterman

There are many other things I also enjoyed...the usage of the band KISS to organize and explore his romantic relationships.

I'd tell you more about it, but you should just find out for yourself, if you haven't. I also love the feeling of discovering a new author for the first time. I can remember when I discovered Milan Kundera, Nick Hornby, Jeanette Winterson...and it always feels amazing. You prepare yourself for a personal relationship with them, as you plan a trip to the bookstore to pick up EVERYTHING they've written. It's a lovely feeling.

But yes, I'd tell you more about the last 24 hours, except...I am attending the Republican Debate tonight. Yes, in person. I'm nervous and freaked out about the whole event, though I know when I'm sitting in my chair, looking around while people smile and commend the candidates broad sweeping attempts at votes...I'll be happy (and a bit disenchanted). I'll let you know what happens.

theatre for old men...and women

2008-01-09T13:40:00.000-08:00

so...i finally took the plunge. i saw no country for old men today. as much as i've heard about the movie, i was starting to believe that it had been built up too much- but surprisingly it wasn't. it has been a very long time since i've gone to a 1:00 matinee by myself...and i think it might become a regular occurrence for me. regardless, the movie was excellent. i haven't read the book yet, but i loved the movie so much that i considered driving home, grabbing tim's copy of the book, and spending the entire night reading the book. hell, i still might.

i don't want to say too much about the movie, because i don't want to ruin anything for those who haven't seen it. overall, i very much enjoyed the movie. funny thing is that seeing a matinee on a week day in myrtle beach- means, well, it is you and every other senior citizen in the neighborhood. as they filed in, i thought, this is cool- i mean, given the trailer of the movie, i was surprised to see people of this age wanting to watch this type of movie. well, they do love suspense, don't they?

but as i watched the previews, commercials, and 30 minutes of other weird shit that plays before the movie officially starts- which by the way, why is this happening? are they postponing the beginning of the movie because people are typically late? they didn't use to do that. you could always count on 3 previews before a movie, but i swear- this is getting fucking ridiculous. back on point, so i was watching these commercials thinking how awkward it must be to be elderly. everything that was shown was totally generated toward young people. i even overheard a conversation about "that lindsey lohan" and her drug problems. ha.

another priceless moment was at the end of the movie. one good thing about the elderly is that they are respectful movie-goers, generally. they sat very quietly watching, with the exception of that one old couple in the back who kept saying, "uh oh, here he comes again...." they may be generally quiet during the movie, but they are not afraid to very loudly exclaim their opinions after the movie. the flippin' moment the movie ended, they were all exclaiming how they didn't like the ending. and then "that was a very very weird movie". i'm still trying to figure out what they thought they were going to get. and i'm sure the coen brothers would love to hear their thoughts on the ending.

2-0-0-8

2008-01-08T14:04:00.001-08:00

i know, i was suppose to blog much earlier than this after the new year. to try to catch up with my happenings, there was a trip to atlanta for the band of horses show. the entire evening was fantastic. besides the show and dinner, i had a grand realization. we had some drinks at the hotel bar before dinner and got along famously with the bartender. now, i know that bartenders exist primarily to get along with their clientele...but within the first sips of my drink, i realized that we had a better conversation with our bartender than we have with most people that we have met in myrtle beach. yes, i know. i enjoy the beach. well, actually, the beach proper, not necessarily the town, but the ocean, the sand...yes, it is all very beautiful- but i've realized quite suddenly, actually that the area here does not offer many opportunities for new friends, interesting experiences, etc. so, this trip at the end of the year opened my eyes to the fact that it is time in fact for a move.

i do understand that this goes completely contrary to my new years 2007 resolutions...which after reviewing i have realized that i'm a planner. i like looking ahead to my next step. i like thinking of what is next. so i will continue to do this in 2008. part of this plan is to move within the next 5-8 months. i've applied to phd programs, so we'll see how this plays out. if it doesn't, i most certainly will be moving SOMEWHERE. ANYWHERE.

beyond that, i had a great time with my mother. i watched her during the show. i watched her sing, throw her arms in the air. i realized that sometimes it is difficult for children to realize their parents have their own happiness. i've been fortunate enough to grow up very close to my mother, so we've always been best friends, but i do hope that my brothers can realize that my mom isn't always "mom", but rather a very wonderful woman. that is her above, enjoying some breakfast at the majestic in atlanta.

so what did i do for new years? well, tim, patrick (our neighbor), and i went out to a bar up the street from the house. the whole scene was hilarious. there was a dj with people dancing to songs from C & C Music Factory. after a few beverages, we came back to the house for champagne. later, we went out on the beach for the magic moment, to watch fireworks and toast one another with plastic cups. the picture below is all three of us at the bar.

since the new year, i've been attempting to get everything in place for the beginning of classes. that is right- my extended vacation is almost over. i've been watching tons of movies, including the show, arrested development. jennie ann also came to visit for the last couple of days. i'll have a picture up soon enough. we had a great time, talking, drinking, and listening to music.

starting today, i'm on my own here at the beach, while tim spends his finally week of residency at school. he graduates on saturday. having the next few days alone is interesting. i start out with a list of items to be accomplished. the unfortunate thing is that i obnoxiously completed most of my activities in the first couple of hours...yes, i should learn to pace myself. i'm sure that could be said about a number of my favorite activities.

what am i looking forward to in the new year? the yo la tengo show, the wilco show, another band of horses show...working on my book and short stories. i also think that instead of listing out resolutions for the next year, i'm just going to take it as it comes. things seem to change so quickly every day for me, so i don't necessarily want to make a list now. i'll keeep you updated.

Post Traumatic Holiday Disorder

2007-12-28T14:22:00.000-08:00

now that the dust has settled on the christmas holiday...i finally feel as if i'm starting to make sense of the dizzying experience of travel, presents, and family. i almost wish that we could divide the holiday up over the course of the year. maybe january i could celebrate with my mom's family. maybe in february we could celebrate with my dad's family. maybe in march we could celebrate with tim's family. april could be, well, that is my birthday, so we'll reserve it. but may could be reserved for jennie ann...and onward. you get the point. i suppose i always get a bit inundated with the gift exchange and social interaction.

upon return home, i walked in the house (where the cats had been left to fend for themselves for two days) to find chaos. they decided to "roll" the bathroom with toilet paper, like three teenagers left home alone. they tore down the stockings, i suppose looking for more presents than the one i bought them.

the pictures are of my brothers. the top one is of taylor. the bottom one is of john. as a friend of mine once said about her 20 year old daughter, "the aliens that had her captive for the last 10 years have finally brought her home." i feel somewhat the same about my brothers. i felt like this last visit home brought us closer together again...as they are growing up and becoming humans i can communicate with outside of the fact they are my brothers.

regardless, i received many wonderful and thoughtful gifts. i think that with the overwhelming consumption, i have continued to purchase. for example, today i got a new cellphone...and only about 3 years behind the trend, i finally have a camera phone. so i can only warn you that i might be sending cell phone photos for the next few weeks...forgive me in advance. i'm sure for the coming weeks, i'll personalize every person in my new cell phone with a picture, ringtone. aah, yes, the power of organization.

after all the holiday excitement, i've been catching up on my reading, writing, movie watching, and beer drinking. as you can tell, it has been a rough few days, but i'm surviving.

i'm heading to atlanta tomorrow for the band of horses show at the earl. i'm stoked to see the horses, as i haven't seen them perform. i'm also really excited to see my old friends that keep themselves busy in atlanta. not to mention, i get to see my mom again...so i promise to get a picture (cellphone one or otherwise) of her swooning and crooning to the horses.

i'm already starting to compile a list in my head about new years...it is vague, but coming together.

2007-12-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

i am person obsessed with making lists. i mostly use lists to help organize my day. though, i also use lists to plan larger projects. say, my holiday lists. there was one for christmas cards. one for the christmas mix. one for gifts.i even make lists on days that i have very little to do. at times, it may simply be comprised of:

-wake up
-check e-email
-exercise
-shower
-watch movies
-internet shopping

of course, my lists are more helpful (as you can see from above) when i have more to do. so during the semester when i'm teaching about 300 students, these lists help me keep everything organized. during the busy part of the semester, i make several lists a day. they become very detailed including exact times, even scheduled meals. throughout the day, i go through and cross off the items i've completed. it gives me a sense of accomplishment.

so here is the dilemma. my life has drastically been altered in the last week. i have gone from having a very busy, full schedule to having absolutely no structure to my day. now i just have vague suggestions for how to fill my day. now, you might be thinking- but what about all the holiday lists? yes, i'm done. i've even already wrapped my presents.

so, now i'll fill my days with watching movies, reading books, and working on my book project. i know, i know- what am i complaining about? i'm not. it is just difficult to go from being extremely busy to being extremely not busy. don't worry- i'm adjusting.

what is on the agenda today?
-watching flight of the conchords (again)
-rent some movies
-read some of Klosterman's IV
-work on writing up my musical history for the book
-go to the book store to buy a couple of Woody Allen books (Mere Anarchy and The Insanity Defense)

now i just have to figure out how to sleep past 7:00am.

oh yes, the new website is up and going....check it out

www.musicismemory.com

Why I Teach...

2007-12-13T14:00:00.000-08:00

hi ms. everhart,
yes will you please email me my grades. i just wanted to tell you that
i really enjoyed your class you made issues of the world interesting. i
never thought i'd be interested in politics but now i am, and i will be
voting in the upcoming election for the first time. so thank you for be
such a good teacher and making things that could be boring interesting.
thank you

Sometimes it is nice to be reminded of why it is you do what you do...

An Inverse Correlation

2007-12-11T12:04:00.000-08:00

I'll be honest...I haven't thought about whether or not a correlation is direct, positive, indirect, inverse, negative in almost a year. Today as I went for my walk, I discovered...I'm experiencing an inverse correlation.

As the number of exams left for the semester decrease, my life satisfaction, creativity, and happiness all increase.

Is there causality you propose? Perhaps.

2007-12-02T19:55:00.000-08:00

december 13th. my holiday break officially begins. i'm at the tail end of the semester and i couldn't be happier. one last week of lecturing and one week of exams and i'll finally be able to spend my time as i see fit.

this last weekend was completely indicative of the end of the semester. completely chaotic and frustrating. it all began with a crazy dream of spiders. it was sort of kathy in wonderland type of dream. the one thing that stayed with me the longest was the image of a white spider. the first morning, i didn't think too much about it, but when i had the dream for a second night- i thought there might be something to it.

there were a couple of very large white spiders. they were noisy. they were trying to wrap their spinning thread around me. it was scary, but i thought i was able to avoid getting completely captured by the spiders. so what does this spider dream mean?

it can mean any variety of things...such is the case with symbols in dreams. perhaps i'm anxious, perhaps i'm worried about being stuck, perhaps it is a sign of creativity, or i could use the Jungian archetypal analysis...which believes that spiders call for greater self-understanding and encourage us to derive meaning and satisfaction from the intricate framework and interplay of life...

certainly.

so, things would have been fine until saturday when i had an interaction with a different type of insect. a gnat. not in a dream, but unfortunately in real life. early in the morning, tim and i discovered quite a few gnats in our house. upon further inspection, we started to notice there were more and more of them. i quickly surveyed the house for a piece of fruit gone bad. nope. starting to use my powers of investigative research...i began to deduce that perhaps that gnats were finding their way into our house from the air conditioning unit...

tim and i quickly dealt with this infestation by removing the air conditioning unit, which as tim adeptly carried this huge monstrosity around the house...i ran through the house to the back door, where we planned to store the unit. i tried to open the back door to help tim, which gave some resistance. so i pulled it again- at which time a huge cast iron pan that we store above the door came cascading down, only stopping to hit my hand and then my shin.

the day did get better. and i haven't had another dream of spiders.

what else is new?

i'm working on a new blog for my book on music, so i'll be sure to update you on the status, as soon as it gets up and running.

i've applied (formally) to graduate school. yes, more school and more debt.

and i'm thinking of quitting one of my many teaching jobs, so i can spend more time working on my book and yes, you know, spend more time enjoying myself.

the vegetarian on display

2007-11-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

yes, i've missed all of you too. i haven't had the time to respond the emails, return phone calls, much less write on my blog. regardless, this also means that my life has mostly been filled with teaching, as opposed to what i'd prefer to do with my free time...which involves writing my book and engaging in functional alcoholism.

some fun times have been had in the last month...we went to the bright eyes show in charleston at the beginning of november. as always a good time (from what i remember)...i do know there was a late night party that involved a mechanical bull. also, tim long came to visit, which was good times as usual, with late night beach walks and inexpensive brunches.

i have decided after much deliberation that i am in fact applying to a doctoral program for next fall. this wasn't my first choice, but seems to be a good idea for me now. of course, i change my mind just about every day and one of the lasting dreams is to be a tour manager a la murray from the flight of the conchords.

moving on...this is my first thanksgiving as a vegetarian. i made the fatal flaw of mentioning this to one of my classes...and then spent the next 15 minutes trying to explain to my curious class what a vegetarian eats. "uh, duh, vegetables?" regardless, it reminded me of the scene in everything is illuminated (see below)...as someone actually asked me "do you eat turkey?"

something else you should check out...tim has a new food blog, you can check it out here: www.biscuitblog.com

I heart tomatoes.

2007-10-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

now i know it seems silly. but honestly, growing up i was a meat and potatoes girl. like, literally. i would eat a hamburger, steak, chicken, pork, etc....with potatoes. okay, i'm being dramatic, but i remember my friend meredith's mom use to laugh about my meat and 2 sides...only 2 sides, never more.

i didn't eat alot of vegetables when i was younger. i actually hated them. which was funny because i was friends with many vegetarians. but that was me, chain-smoking, coffee drinking, beer guzzling, meat eating kathy.

man, things have changed...well not all of them, i retain my beer guzzling and my coffee drinking for sanity.

i made a conscious effort almost 3 months ago to stop eating meat. i had a difficult time to begin with...faculty meetings with only meat sandwiches, restaurants with only fish options, but starting on august 22nd...i haven't had even the slightest amount of meat. now this isn't a blog about how pretentious i've become with my non-meat eating ethos, but rather my wonderful discovery of food.

when you eat meat as your main and most important centerpiece of your meals...you forget there are wonderful, exciting items out there.

did you know that zucchini is EXCELLENT?

what about tofu? its awesome if cooked up crunchy in a stirfry...and then, its awesome not too.

i discovered a myriad of foods, including: bok choy, avocado, green beans, squash...and it continues.

last night, tim and i had dinner and we ordered bruschetta...and before i knew it, i scarfed down two pieces. this from a gal who has NEVER liked tomatoes. yes, i like ketchup, tomato soup, marinara sauce, but i have never liked tomatoes on sandwiches, tacos. after one bite, i said, "now, wait, this is a tomato right?" i simply couldn't believe it. it was fucking delicious. see, i save it for the right moment.

i even called my mom to tell her my good news.

so, i guess my point is that without eating meat i've been able to explore a whole new world of food. those that had been relegated to merely my side items.

The First Hoodie Of The Fall

2007-10-12T16:34:00.000-07:00

last night was the first night it felt like fall to me. and before tim and i went out for dinner, i went sifting through my closet looking for it. looking for the first hoodie of the fall.

yeah, i know. it is completely a cliche...the indie rock hoodie. it is a subcultural must. but see, i just don't care. there is just something to me about slipping it on, zipping it up, and putting my hands in the pockets...something that feels like fall is officially here.

A Mysterious Band of Horses Microchip

2007-10-08T07:26:00.000-07:00

i'm absolutely sure of it now. when tim and i spent the night with the horses folks, while we were passed out- they must have implanted a microchip that plays their music in our brains, fucking constantly. it is sort of like a birthday card that plays music when you open it. as soon as i step out of bed in the morning for the last week or so, i've heard any combination of songs from the horses. at first i thought it was just me, but i asked tim...and it was happening to him too. so the only logical conclusion i can make at this point in time is that there was some late night surgery taking place in that house.

that being said, most of what i'm hearing is off the new album, which comes out tomorrow. i urge you to get this album. if for some chance there isn't a microchip in my head, then this is one of the catchiest fucking albums i have ever heard.

apparently they also imprinted on the microchip the need to say the f-word over and over again too. but seriously, buy the album.

other than that....i want to say "WELCOME HANK!"

"at the end of the night, we'd all seen better days"

2007-09-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

as promised, i took a trip at the beginning of this week down to the charleston area to interview ben bridwell of band of horses for the book. this was not the original intent of the trip, as we also had tickets to see the watson twins and magnolia electric company.

the show itself was fantastic. i got the opportunity to meet jason molina. as some would say, "it came full circle"...at least the idea for the book, music, memories.

overall, i found it awfully refreshing to spend time in the company of some really fucking cool people. and i'm not sure what i had expected otherwise, but there is something i love about meeting folks from a band you admire...and finding out that they really are as down to earth and nice as you had always hoped.

it was a long evening, but yes, as the lyric reads, "at the end of the night, we'd all seen better days..."

i'll save my abstracted, foggy memories...but there is one line from the evening i'll never forget. stamped on my memory of the trip, of the music, of the adventure.

"1, 2, 3, 4...5 pussies"

The rationalists...

2007-09-24T12:34:00.000-07:00

A clip from the latest Bill Maher...

And finally, New Rule: Just because the Constitution doesn't have a religious test for office, doesn't mean I can't. This past Monday was Constitution Day in the U.S. And while I was going over the Constitution with my two adopted kids—[laughter]—Zack Ono and Mogadishu—[laughter]—I'm home schooling them—[laughter]—I was struck again by Article 6, Section 3. It says, "No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office." And I agree. No one should ever be disqualified for their religion. Even the funny ones. [laughter] Like all of them. [applause] [cheers]

But, the problem is that there is a religious test in this country. According to a recent poll, seven in ten say it's important to have a president with strong religious beliefs. The other three couldn't take the poll because it was Friday night and Yahweh wouldn't let them answer the phone. [laughter]

But, fair is fair. So, for myself and the other 15-20% of American who the majority call "non-believers," but who I call "rationalists," [applause] here is our religious test for office: if you believe in Judgment Day, I have to seriously question your judgment. [laughter]

If you believe you're in a long-term relationship with an all-powerful space-daddy—[laughter]—who will, after you die, party with your ghost forever—[laughter]—you can't have my vote, even for Miss Hawaiian Tropic. [laughter] [applause]

I can't trust you at the levers of government because there's an electrical fire going on in your head. [laughter]

Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to Heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed. [applause] [cheers]

Candidate Mitt Romney, a Mormon, believes in spiritually-blessed underwear that can protect him. [laughter] He seemed like a nice man, and so do his sons, Wally and the Beav. [laughter] But, I'm sorry, their religion is bat-shit. [laughter] It's like Scientology without the celebrities. [laughter] [applause] And he has every right to run for president while believing in magic underwear, and believing that Jesus survived his own death and will return during an Osmonds' concert in Branson. [laughter] And I have every right to take that into consideration in the voting booth.

And at the end of the day, is magic underwear really that much crazier than giant arks or virgin births or talking bushes? You're either a rationalist or you're not. And the good news is, a recent poll found 20% of adults under 30 say they are rationalists and have figured out that Santa Claus and Jesus are really the same guy. [laughter] [applause]

Now, 20% is hardly a majority, but it's a bigger minority than blacks, Jews, homosexuals, NRA members, teachers or seniors. And it's certainly enough to stop being shy about expressing the opinion that WE'RE NOT THE CRAZY ONES! [applause] [cheers]

Just because the vote is 4-to-1, it doesn't mean the minority is wrong. People who were against this war from the start were a minority. The majority used to believe the world was flat. But if you believe that today, you'd either be packed off to Bellevue or asked to co-host "The View." [laughter] [applause] [cheers]

Hipster Olympics

2007-09-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

awwww. thanks to glover for this video. i just had to share it with the rest of the world (those four of you- wait, three, exempt of glover)...

My suggestions for legislation on clothing...

2007-09-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

i'm sure you've all heard by now about the latest "baggy pants" ban...where they are passing legislation (i think it has only passed in a small town in Louisiana) to ban pants that are too baggy and sag down. what the fuck? not only do i personally think this is crossing some boundaries in who is being targeted here, but this just doesn't seem to be the most pressing issue in our society, does it?

but i figured i should jump on the band wagon, if we are going to start legislating the clothes that people can wear...then good goddamn, let's make some changes. we all know there are lots of clothing and styles that should be outlawed. and i believe this presents the perfect opportunity to start over in fashion.

1) CROCS...please. let's just do away with this. its awful. and no, i don't care how comfortable they are.

2) TINY MINI-SKIRTS. see...now, if the baggy pants are an issue of indecent exposure, then we need to start making some women cover it up. one of my students came to class last week wearing the shortest skirt i've ever seen. why?

3) OVER-DONE CLEAVAGE. while i'm bagging on women...cover it up. seriously. if you've seen the commercials for the new tim gunn show...he says it best when he says, "no, not sexy. not at all..." (i'm paraphrasing)...but you really don't have to put it out on the table to be sexy...and if you are, you are probably not getting the right type of attention for it either.

4) SANDALS/FLIP FLOPS WITH SOCKS. wrong. always wrong. i think i broke up with a guy for doing this once. that's right. once. and i never got the image out of my head.

5) WHITE, OLD ATHLETIC SHOES. you know the ones. they are crusty. they bow up at the toes. from the passage of time, and the washing machine. please...don't wear these unless you are running, mowing the grass, or otherwise out of the public eye.

6) SHIRTS THAT ARE TOO SMALL FOR YOU or TOO BIG FOR YOU. i know. i'm getting picky here. but i am simply tired of walking outside to check the mail to find a slew of construction workers with tight white t-shirts on (i know, you'd think they were in the band hot hot heat or something)...well, wait, i suppose they are in hot, hot heat weather-wise...oh damn. regardless, i do not need to play peek-a-boo with your belly. so cover it up.

7)OVERSIZED SUNGLASSES. okay, i know...very few of you can get away with this. my mom is one of them...she looks like a movie-star in them. the rest of you look like bugs.

8) GAUCHO PANTS. always wrong. particularly when the attempt is made to dress these up to wear out to the club. bad idea.

hmm. what else...do you have any suggestions? i'm sure i'm missing tons of them.

Guitar Girl?

2007-09-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qD_wjAZfC8o

Are you kidding me? I remember dubbing this gal "guitar girl"...I also remember her asking if she could play the open mike at Cafe Bisous that I use to help organize. Oh yeah...and dragging her guitar around with her everywhere. Perhaps that would have made an interesting American Express commercial...or at least Mastercard.

Does anyone find it somewhat odd that these commercials show these people jet-setting around the world? Like Shaun White and such. I understand people have to travel...but its almost as if they are boasting about taking a plane to one continent and then to another in the same day, just to play a show or snowboard or whatever.

Is it just me or isn't there an environmental crisis going on? Maybe American Express should make one showing someone using their card to switch their diesel to running on vegetable oil...just a thought.

i know. i'm a fucking hippie now.

Falling in Love

2007-09-07T19:22:00.001-07:00

Indeed, I've fallen back in love with the beach. The tourists have all gone home after Labor Day. I walked out on the beach (twice) on Wednesday to celebrate my impending pensive daily walks...

There is tons more to say. I've started classes. Perhaps the most challenging, but invigorating semester and students so far. More on this later.

Onward to good news about my book project...I'm in the process of securing interviews with folks from Elf Power and Band of Horses. That makes me almost as happy as the empty beach.

Yes, I'm busy as can be right now. I promise to save some time this weekend to share my wit and anecdotes with you.

Dear Senator Obama,

2007-08-27T13:59:00.001-07:00

I am writing to tell you how much I enjoyed your latest visit to Horry County. A couple of comments for you...

1) I suppose I must be an idiot to not realize that politics is the world of "putting on a show"...but I think I'm consistently baffled and somewhat sickened to watch how the people surrounding politicans go to great lengths to "create" a visual. I shouldn't have been surprised when your people started circulating the room passing out "handmade" signs. This came as more of a face slap when everyone was informed to leave their handmade signs outside, only to be handed campaign made ones on the inside. Very odd to me. But yes, I must be delusional to think everything about an event like this would be authentic.

2) I would be careful using the substitute of Carolina for either North Carolina or South Carolina. I have found people to be very sensitive to this overstatement. Of course, you could have been confused by the Coastal Carolina signs too.

3) One of my favorite "slogans" you espoused was in regards to building from the ground up. I'm always trying to express to my students the importance of grass roots social action...and I feel like you might be someone who understands this. I think I even got chills when you went through different examples of this building from the ground up...women's right to vote, civil rights movement. good job of building it into something great.

4) I think you may have won over a majority of the crowd when you spoke about having a glass of wine. sometimes, we just want to know that you are human...and I think you did a great job of admitting that with the wine comment. I go to great lengths to do this with my students...as I think the distinction made between roles puts us at great lengths from one another.

5) I'd chill it out with the Warren Buffet story...apparently Edwards is telling the same type of story.

6) The story you finished with was spellbinding. I looked around the crowd and you had everyone captivated...again, human qualities with the tiredness and grumpiness...which was excellent to hear. You are a great storyteller. "Fire it up!" and "Ready to go?" will always be stuck with me...and ending with a question and answer of these two...excellent. I'd give a raise to whoever came up with this idea, whether it was you or one of the suits behind you.

Anyways, thanks for your visit. I was completely star struck getting to see you. Come visit us again, Barackstar.
Katherine

The Storm

2007-08-23T12:08:00.000-07:00

i woke up in the middle of the night last night because of a storm. i woke up to the sound of my house shaking with thunder. then i looked out the window and there were lightening storms all over the sky. as i got back into the bed, i had trouble falling asleep. the storm reminded me of another time period in my life. it was one of those dark periods in my life (as others have called it).

i remembered a night many years ago, when i was living in charlotte and there was a similar storm taking place. i think they may have been predicting a hurricane or tropical storm that night. they advised for everyone to stay inside, if possible. i chose to go out. i remember picking up a friend and sitting out on the porch at fat city (an old charlotte bar).

what bothered me and kept me up a bit longer was not this particular story, but more so...who i was at the time. i was in a dark place. see, for three years consecutively, i lost someone close to me. the first year, it was a friend who died of a drug overdose. the second year, it was my father who died with multiple sclerosis. the third year, it was an ex who died of a brain aneuryism. so yes, i had some dark years. but i was thinking about how difficult it is to experience the death of people you care/cared about. more specifically, how i responded to this.

it seemed like with each year and with each passing, i started caring less and less about everything around me. i gave up. i think the image that stuck with me was an image of myself at that time. i was completely out of control. i drank as much as possible. i took pills. and for the sake of sounding completely over dramatic, i was essentially hoping that in some way the universe would take me back. yeah, it was a dark period. i remember not being scared of anything at all.

i remember also feeling terribly alone at that period. there were very few people who could stand being around me. and those that were around me, completely took advantage of the fact that i didn't care about anything. you could always count on me to go out and stay out late. you could always count on me to blow an entire paycheck on drinks, for myself and them.

now, i'm not trying to glamorize it. in no way do i find it glamourous. it wasn't at the time and in retrospect, it certainly isn't now. i find it sad that i was self destructing. i'm awfully thankful that those years passed. i remember thinking i would never move past those moments while they were happening. i'm happy that i made it through those years and grew out of my young adult angst. i slowly learned how to find joy and happiness.

as i sat awake in bed, i thought how different i feel now. how that sad girl didn't feel like me at all. how i couldn't believe i actually was ever that person. i hesitated (as i am now) about writing about this, but at the same time that you outgrow the person you were...it is still part of your history. and since i don't write sad songs to recollect about those moments, this is one of the few places that i have to reflect on these experiences. and hell, this blog can't always be happy go lucky, now can it?

Groundbreaking Study...

2007-08-21T09:50:00.001-07:00

today is my last vacation day before school officially starts. so far...i've sat on the beach for a couple of hours reading. isn't it sad that reading is something i have to find time for? and probably equally sad to you non-readers that reading is something i want to do when i have a day off? i also exercised...ha. again, probably not the top of a list for most...but i love when i have the time.

i was breaking my vacation rules and checking my email and i came across this groundbreaking study...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070821/ap_en_ot/youth_poll_race_4

wait....minority youth aren't as happy as white youth? what genius conducted this study? yes, i'm being tongue in cheek, but with everything we know about race...is this a huge surprise? it just stunned me that this is a study that is breaking news on yahoo's homepage. oh well...

i think i'll go delve into a world of cinema for the rest of my afternoon. i've been debating seeing the movie Superbad or staying home and sitting in my underoos on the couch watching hbo. i'll report back later.

Engagement Party

2007-08-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

yes, tim and i had an engagement party of sorts this past weekend. i was nervous as all hell about the impending meeting of our families. we had lunch with our families at mert's. everything went brilliant. it was wonderful to see everyone again and spend the time with them in one of my favorite restaurants. my only complaint was that the time was too short.

later we met up with some friends at cuisine malaya for some sushi and drinks. there couldn't have been a better evening. i made the unfortunate mistake of taking part in all the drinking, but none of the eating. at the end of the evening, we ended up at tim long's place...and as usual, things start to fade. i remember going to the store for a second beer run of the night. i remember tim davis and i trying to convince tim long of the sheer genius of darren hanlon and david dondero (no doubt fresh on my mind because of the interviews). i remember some air guitar (not mine of course)...and i don't remember, but have the pictures to prove it...well actually i have about 30 pictures to prove it...but i went on a drunken picture taking spree...that's right, i even took one of my shoes...ha.

so, you've got the pictures to check out. there may be more added to the album, once my mom sends them on...click on the album below and you should be able to view all the photos from the evening.

Engagement Party

thanks to all our friends and family members who made our engagement a memorable day/evening.

A complete upheaval...

2007-08-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

so, yes, i've had a complete upheaval...what does that mean? well, last week while walking, it dawned on me that there are moments when i feel a sense of urgency. what is the current sense of urgency? it involved my book project. i was feeling frustrated. i was having trouble getting in touch with one of my potential interviewees. and i received my first rejection. who would reject me? billy bob thornton. thats who. so i was walking out my frustration and it dawned on me...there is for 1) no reason for the urgency, as this project will probably be with me for a year or so...and 2) no reason to try to interview people i could care less about, even if that means having to self publish my book.

in that moment of clarity, i realized that i would rather collect stories from a wide variety of people. people that i'd like to hear about. people that i'd like to talk with...and so that is where i am now. then, once i had this moment of clarity everything started to fall into place. i suppose that is how it happens. now i'm on a rollercoaster of interviewing and planning.

then...last weekend...as my stepdad likes to say, "we had the broken family tour"...as my mom came to visit me (see the picture below) and then most of the rest of my family came to visit (dad, taylor, and jambe). it was so much fun to have mom visiting. we took an evening up at rockefeller's...then the next day spent on the beach trying to wear off a hangover. the next night, the whole "broken family" came together for a lovely, but stressful dinner. afterwards, tim, mom, and i stopped by a swanky bar to hear our friend, sam, play some jazz music. it was a grand time, though that hangover was still suspiciously around. well, and a sunburn too.

on sunday, tim and i drove down to wilmington so i could begin the interview process. i had plans to interview david dondero before his show. if you haven't heard him, well, go here and watch this video:

and then go buy his latest album from team love, called simple love. i swear you'll love it.

my interview went very well. then dave introduced me to the fella he was playing with that night, darren hanlon. darren is one of the coolest mother-uckers i've met in quite a while. and likewise, you should certainly check him out...i'm currently obsessed with his song, hold on...

as if these two interviews weren't enough to make me happy...on wednesday, i drove to DC for my interview with Bob Boilen. i had a wonderful trip, visited with some family members, visited the National Gallery of Art, and spent about 3 hours at the NPR studios being overwhelmed and amazed. my interview went great and again, i was reminded of just how cool this bob boilen is. if you don't about him...or his work with npr...go listen to some of his shows. you'll be happy that i told you about him.

http://www.npr.org/programs/asc/

so at the moment, i'm getting ready to make some tofu stir-fry. tim and i have a big weekend planned in charlotte...so there will be more to follow next week.

Happy Anniversary Myrtle Beach!

2007-08-07T17:42:00.000-07:00

That's right, this weekend I'll be celebrating my one year anniversary here at the beach. I can't believe a year has already passed.

I've decided to create a top ten of my last year. The top ten experiences of the last year. I didn't rank them... I just didn't want to put that much energy into it.

1)When I accidentally said orgasm instead of organism my first day of class here.

2)Finding the North Myrtle Beach flea market for postcards and photographs

3)Rockefeller's...every single time. Is putting a bar on here weird?

4)The Flaming Lips show at House of Blues

5)The Sparklehorse show in Charleston (with my mom)

6)The Bright Eyes show in Atlanta

7)Spring Training, of course

8)All the new babies in my life...Emmett, Laila, and Paige

9)New friends (the few) and old friends.

10)Tim and I's engagement

Damn it, I thought I'd be able to fit it into 10, but I've got the runner up...which some may argue is the most important...

11)Discovering that I'm satisfied with life while walking the beach

What should I do to celebrate? Well, my mom is coming to visit this weekend. I'm so very excited. She hasn't been here before, so I'm full of ideas...I know for sure we'll be taking her out to hear some jazz music. I'm pretty damn sure we'll have to show her off at Rockefeller's. And well, there is the OCEAN.

What else is happening in my life? I've started working on a project for a book. I'm keeping it top secret right now, but I am working on some interviews. Just chew on this..I'm going to DC next week to interview Bob Boilen from All Songs Considered on NPR.

Besides the interview, I'm looking forward to some time on the road. I'm thinking of checking out UVA in Charlottesville for a potential school for 2008. I use to travel just about every weekend when I was younger. Listening to music as loud as possible, while smoking and drinking (ha, kidding....just wondering if you are still reading...yes, i do this to my students too).

That's it for now...I'm watching the after shock of the AFL-CIO Presidential Forum...and I'm feeling distracted.

"Suddenly I didn't know if I had dreamt things, or if they existed..." -Bergman

2007-07-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

Ingmar Bergman passed today, at the age of 89. The picture is from Scenes from a Marriage, which is one of my favorites.

Tim sent me this Woody Allen quote earlier about Allen seeing a Bergman film when he was a teenager...

"Less than ennobling was the motive for seeing my first Ingmar Bergman movie. The facts were these: I as a teenager living in Brooklyn, and word had got around that there was a Swedish film comign to our local foreign film house in which a young woman swam completely naked. Rarely have I slept overnight on the curb to be the first on line for a movie, but when "Summer With Monika" opened at the Jewel in Flatbush, a young boy with red hair and black-rimmed glasses could be seen clubbing senior citizens to the floor in an effort to insure the choicest, unobstructed seat."

Now, its getting personal...Schuerholz

2007-07-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

you've got to be joking...i swear this HAS to be a personal attack.

Dear John Schuerholz,

2007-07-26T17:06:00.001-07:00

Please don't trade Jarrod Saltalamacchia. No matter what you do, please don't. It'll break my heart.

Thanks,
Katherine

Dear Senator Edwards

2007-07-24T14:43:00.001-07:00

I thoroughly enjoyed your town hall meeting in Georgetown, SC today. Had I not been starving and fighting off a heat stroke, I would have stayed around afterwards to shake your eloquent hand, but I couldn't...and so I wanted to ask you a few questions. I mean, hell, everyone else in the world is posing questions, so why not me, right?

For one, now I understand the fact that we are not always in control of our destiny...or our schedules, but as a teacher, tardiness is simply not something I'm fond of. See, I left my house an hour and fifteen minutes before the time you were scheduled to speak. Unfortunately I drank half a bottle of water before I left the house, which meant I had to make a pit stop midway through my trip. And no, I'll never forget the fella at the Shell station who informed me that his bathroom was not in working order! But...regardless, I found myself battling beach traffic and pit stops...and I was running late. So I tore through Litchfield, Pawley's, downtown Georgetown to make a concerted effort to arrive on time. I arrived at 1:32pm. I ran down the street where I had to park...upon my entrance into the union hall...I discovered that you were in fact running about 15 minutes late from your previous engagement. Cool. 15 minutes. That's fine, I thought.

Well, the union hall was flippin' hot. It was packed. And when we were informed that you would be arriving a full hour late...I started to get a bit irritated. So we all stood there, anxiously looking to the door, fanning ourselves silly. Like I said, I understand that things don't always happen exactly as planned, but your tardiness today was unacceptable. (Yes, I'm being slightly dramatic for blog sake). I only feel worse for the people in Atlanta who were next on your journey. Leaving Georgetown at 3:45 and being scheduled for Atlanta at 4:45, well that's just poor planning on the behalf of your crew.

For two, yes, as I mentioned, it was hot. Its SC in late July...and before you arrived, the crowd was alerted to the fact that it was the preference of your people that we not use the frisbees that people were using for fans. Apparently, the fans would look distracting on camera. I suppose my passing out on the floor would have looked okay. Yes, yes, I know I know...you are running for president...but still.

For three, I really enjoyed most of what you said. I like your ideas about social class. I like the fact that you are self-made man. I like the fact that Elizabeth has different opinions from you (primarily on gay marriage). I do have a question for you...and had I not been too star struck and nervous, I would have asked you...

It's about minimum wage. Yes, we all thank the powers to be that there is a slight increase today, and more increases in the years to come. That's awesome. You mentioned you thought it wasn't good enough. I can't agree with you more. You then said you'd like to raise the minimum wage, as president, to $9.25 or $9.50 (my memory is failing me, I blame the heat). I encourage this increase. You then stated by 2012. I'm not sure many people heard this. At least, I'm not sure that the loud applause would have been as loud. So, yes, increases are good. But that will stay with the same pace that its increasing in the next two years. So, is $9.50 an hour really that great? Particularly for 2012? How much will the standard of living increase by that time?

I have my students complete a budget in class. They assume they are single parents with two children. The assume they are making around $11 to $12 dollars an hour. I even allow them to have health benefits from their job, which we know for this type of job is probably not a likelihood. The reason I like doing this assignment is because my students quickly realize how difficult it is to survive in this family type. Most of them immediately give up any source of entertainment. Next they cut their food. Most of them say that even if they had insurance, they wouldn't be able to afford a co-pay. They usually stick their children in some type of childcare, which I could only imagine might be substandard considering they only budget 20 dollars a week for it.

So I can't help but question that in 2012, this minimum wage will still lack what we call "a living wage".

For four, I wanted to ask...and this was my real question. I know you speak quite a bit about social class. Ending poverty is your thing. Quite commendable. As you mentioned, some of your other plans of action all intersect...education, health care. So, you'd be helping the issue of social class in a myriad of ways...but I wonder how you plan to approach issues of race and gender, as they intersect with social class. Of course, social class exists as its own issue, but what about race issues and gender issues outside of social class?

I was surprised during the youtube debate the other night that you said you wouldn't pay reparations to African Americans for slavery. I understand there are bigger issues and that simply making a pay out wouldn't "solve" the problem. Perhaps we could do both? In that some type of reparations would possibly be merely an apology...and then we could also focus on the other issues that affect this group...like education, health care, discrimination...the list could on, now couldn't it? I don't think it necessarily should be one or the other.

Yes, I agree, there are two different Americas for those of us who live here. BUT, there are also many different Americas. There is certainly a different one for me, than for the individuals in poverty. And yes, my America is quite different from the one for someone like you. But there are still many other issues...there are different worlds for African Americans from whites. There are different worlds for women and men. I do admire you pointing out these systems of domination and stratification, but I also don't want to look at the problem and simply believe that its merely just social class. Cause it isn't.

Lastly, I admire you being the first democratic candidate to grace our area. That really means quite a bit to me. I enjoyed getting to see you in person, standing merely 15 feet away from you. You seemed interested. You made eye contact with all the people in the room. I think it certainly shows an interest in South Carolina. You handled the questions well and with a great eloquence, which is a welcome change from some of the candidates.

Thanks for your time,
Katherine

PS Do you think next time you could ask your crew to bring some John Edwards fans for the heat, just in case?

please please please let me let me let me...

2007-07-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

overall, a good week. i spent some time down in charlotte for a few days. the day before, i finally bought an ipod. yes, it pains me that i felt the desire to spend that much money on a piece of entertainment...it also pains me that it was probably made through some form of slave labor...but goddamn, i love it. i have all my music and pictures on it. this made for a much more enjoyable drive down.

let's summarize...i met one of my mentors from graduate school for happy hour. it was nice to talk with someone who understands my ideas about teaching, engagement rings, and research...i also had some drinks with jennie ann and ellen...always a good time. i also met (as you can see above) stephanie and eric for drinks. we had a great time at MADD DOG! Again, its wonderful to sit and discuss issues with people who are brilliant and can give me ideas and suggestions....whether its our farm in canada or our farm baby! i also had a good time hanging with the family. my mom is always so amazing.

I also came to the conclusion there are two things that i would like to accomplish...at which point in time, i would feel that i "arrived" as an "academic" (using that word in a loose way). for one, i want to coin a term...and for two, i would like to be called by npr to comment on something.

on saturday, i taught my last telecourse class in concord. then rapidly drove back to the beach...as morrissey was playing one mile from my house. driving into myrtle beach on a saturday afternoon is an awful idea. i got stuck in traffic about 1 hour outside of the beach, so i turned around to take a back way...i was happily driving along (with my ipod) for an hour or so...and i ran into more traffic. it was unavoidable.

after 5.5 hours of driving, i finally arrived. i was greeted by tim and tim returning from the beach with a wonderful new bocce ball set. the three of us had a fish fry before heading out to the morrissey show (shhh. don't tell morrissey). the show was excellent. he slayed me when he played please please please let me get what i want...and of course, girlfriend in a coma. it was an excellent show.

the rest of the night was fun. it was somewhat of a blur. but surprisingly, i woke up feeling great.

i just finished watching the democratic youtube debate. very interesting. tomorrow, i'm going to see john edwards in georgetown. he'll be at the steelworkers hall...and i'm so very excited. i've heard he is a very inspiring speaker and he'll be talking about minimum wage. i'll give you more details tomorrow or so...

and oh yeah, its sabine's birthday. she had some tuna. she loved it. she's a bit of a messy eater.

what am i so thankfull for?

2007-07-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

i don't know how well you can see this, but i wanted to start documenting when things are spelled incorrectly...at least when i'm not the one doing it.

so please don't do anything smart-ass and take a picture of a spelling error i made in a previous blog and post it as a response. i have just always found it entertaining when someone makes an error like this on a huge sign. there is a sign on the drive from MB to charlotte that reads, CRAB LEGES. ha.

its been a real busy week for us. we saw a pelicans game on thursday. thirsty thursday at that. i love this water tower at the park. and chris isn't so bad either.

then what else?

on saturday, shawn came to visit...which was a welcome surprise. its always nice to have some old friends down here. we took him out to new orleans connection where some of our new acquaintances play jazz. then we made our last call by rockefeller's, because how could we not?

on monday, we made our trip to wilmington for the dondero/buckner show. it was fantastic. of course, it could have been more enjoyable had it been a few blocks away...but we still had a great time.

here is something interesting though...it goes along with my issue with audiences. the whole time david dondero was playing, there were these three people standing right up front, carrying on a loud conversation. i understand the need to occasionally make a comment...("hey, did you hear that line about charlie parker?")...but i also generally whisper this...if i felt the need to carry on a loud conversation, i'd probably move to the back of the venue.

i don't know how musicians do it. just in teaching, i get pissed when i hear a whisper. perhaps that is something i can work on...blocking it out.

it was also weird to be around "hipsters" again...as there were more than a handful of them at the show. see, here in myrtle beach, you just don't come in contact with a lot of people like that. in mere moments i was feeling inadequate in my coolness.

but i bet most of them don't have these cool peppers they grew at home. aren't they beautiful? i think i waited too long to eat them.

so, i'm heading to charlotte tomorrow. i get to see some old pals...and have my teeth cleaned. how about that? i'm excited...and then i'm returning to MB to see morrissey. you heard me. at the house of blues. and oh yeah, tim long too.

Temperature

2007-07-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

So...remember I mentioned our neighbor. The one that helps me gauge the temperature outside? Well, just so you know...I just saw him check the mail in nothing but khaki shorts. Not even flip-flops. Yes, its that fucking hot here.

Constructive Feedback

2007-07-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

Do yourself a favor and watch this video.

Do yourself another favor and start watching Flight of the Conchords on Sundays.

Going Tourist Crazy!

2007-07-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

what has happened?

i got drunk with my students and slurred about the greatness of education...i'm sure that was convincing. then...i felt sick for a couple of days.

tim and i decided to look at a farm house today. yes, to buy? i'm not sure why we are trying to buy a house, plan a wedding, and have jobs...but apparently that is our new plan. yes, that or move to rhode island. the farm house was awful. in the few moments we were trying to find the house, we ran across a man sleeping on a park bench behind a church, two young teenagers with what i call puss-tasches and a easter egg blue banged up trailer home. so, now, i will not be living out my dream of living in a farm house with cows and horses and chickens. oh well.

the main point of this whole blog is to tell

TIM LONG....WE MISS YOU! COME VISIT!

fish fry on the fourth

2007-07-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

so, i've had a weird few days. a few nights ago, the house right across the street had a wedding. that's right, a wedding. it lasted until 11:30pm. now, when i was young and wild, that hour seemed reasonable for playing music loud and partying. now, it just seems obnoxious. so yes, we heard all the typical wedding songs...well as much as i could hear through flight of the conchords (which was turned up as loud as possible to block out "the electric slide".)

that night...tim and i vowed to move to rhode island. why the island? too much to explain right now...but it seemed like a place where we could avoid the drones of tourists.

independence day at the beach is wild. tons and tons of people load up and drive to the beach. with fireworks in tow. and hell, every child they can find too. its been packed on the beach. packed on the streets. and fireworks going off every moment.

tim and i decided to have a fish fry for the 4th. we invited over our neighbor patrick. we cooked some delicious food. here is a picture of the food. i told you tim is one hell of a fish fryer...

after our fish fry, we walked out to the beach to watch the fireworks. there were tons of "camps" of people shooting off fireworks. i've never quite been that close to fireworks, but it was beautiful. to stand on the beach and watch the fireworks all along the coast from one town to the next.

and so i decided, i think i can handle a little traffic now and again.

hey, its beautiful here too.

so, koch, where the hell are my brownies?

2007-06-27T15:25:00.000-07:00

so yes, its been an interesting few weeks...

for one, i'm dealing with all this wedding stuff. its complicated. way complicated. tim and i are putting together our engagement party...and i think our clever, fun idea is going to be misconstrued as "ohhhh and ummmm, cool"...at least that seems to be the response to it.

and i'm pretty sure i don't have to tell you this...but i'm not really the god type. i had already decided that i am not planning to get married by god or anything of the such. tim and i planned to have a ceremony that was devoid of any of the normal religious traditions; however, i wouldn't mind throwing in some random ones that i enjoy (regardless of where they come from)...as i also mentioned, i'm not keen on the idea of being "given" to tim by any member of my family...

this being said, we had planned on paying for most of the wedding and stuff ourselves...but hell, its expensive...so we were hoping that our families could help us out (if only my stepdad read my blog!) that being said, when you allow someone to pay for something= they get a say in your party...and i think that sucks.

when i was down in charlotte this past weekend, my stepdad and i had breakfast. i was telling him about our plans. he mentioned that my step-aunt patsy could marry us, since she is a minister. i sort of stopped and asked him, "wait, so do ministers still believe in god? because if so, i don't really think thats going to work for us." i mean, how could i? why would i have a ceremony as such when i don't follow the religion? wouldn't it cheapen the whole experience? i don't want to say "i do" to tim under a false premise!

anyways, now i'm working the elope route on tim.

but what else....i decided that i need to put into place goals for myself. so here are my goals for fall 2008... (i'm not attempting to do all of these, just one by then)

1) start a phd program
2) have a full time teaching position with benefits
3) have a book deal, while teaching part time

so funny story...tim sent me an email about a show in wilmington...it is david dondero and richard buckner. he asked me if i've ever listened to dondero. i felt like i had heard his name. upon investigation, i figured it was because conor (oberst) gives a shout out to dondero for his musical stylings. so i gave it a listen...and you know what, it sounds fucking awesome. then i thought, i'll buy an album. when i read what was written about the album, it mentioned his previous band, sunbrain.

i got very excited...because when i was in my first couple years of college, there were three bands that i spent lots of time listening to (well besides cat stevens)...silly, sticky, and sunbrain. well okay, i also listened to unfound logic. i even remember staying at this guy's house once. i remember it so vividly because it was july in atlanta...and it was an old house without air conditioning. the show will be something to look forward to.

this weekend, tim and i are attending our first rock show at the beach. i'm hell bent to add names to that short roster of friends we have here. we've also got a fourth of july party to attend.

it was igor's birthday last week. here he is...

.
.
.
.

i heard this song today on my walk, it seemed suitable to my life right now...

the bottom the earth i have to fall
but you really caught me
you really caught me, dear
at the bottom where i'd fallen
and slowly dear ask that you dance with me
here with the shades down
lights off

when i didn't know you
and everything i do
done badly
now i'll love you always
even when i say
you distract me

and sit tonight in some strange place
if we have no friends here
well i had a few to begin with
and i'll love you always
when we leave this place
and drive back to carolina
and down to savannah

-part one by band of horses

accidental weekend

2007-06-18T07:55:00.001-07:00

i love when you have no solid plans for the weekend...and things just work out perfectly.

so...on friday evening, tim and i had dinner at a restaurant that is new called new orleans connection. its off the beaten path. its in a strip mall (which actually most of the awesome restaurants are in MB...its one of the secrets here). upon entering we were seated at a table right in front of the jazz band that was playing. this was distinctly a different experience from when we had dinner at a german restaurant a couple of weeks ago and our dining experience was mostly just trying not to make eye contact with the accordion player or his dancing wife. the jazz band was actually pretty good. it supplemented the meal, rather than distract.

so, yes, the food was delicious. the music was great. and i even took a slice of sweet potato cheesecake to go.

afterwards, we decided to swing by ol' rockies to check in. one my students happened to also be there...and she sent us drinks over. wait, am i not allowed to accept gifts? it was certainly a great night.

saturday...i slept in. believe it or not. i don't sleep in often, unless i'm intensely hungover...so this was a treat. i don't know why i have this issue...but i feel like i'm wasting time if i sleep in. even on days i don't have to...i wake up at 7am...i know, its pretty fucked up. its probably also something you do when you cross the 30 threshold. regardless...i made a concerted effort to not turn on an alarm clock.

upon waking, we made some breakfast and set out for an afternoon on the beach. i had about 40 papers to grade, so i decided to make it more entertaining with the ocean, sand, sun, and tourists. it was rather fun....and i have the sunburn to prove it. later that evening, we watched one of the latest christopher guest movies...for her consideration? or something like that. it was fair.

yesterday, we woke up early. took a beautiful walk on the beach with all the other old people who wake up that early....made breakfast. have i told you about my love of soy sausage? i know, its weird...but i dream about my fake sausage omelette that i make on the weekends. unfortunately i had to spend the day doing school work, but after such a pleasant weekend...it felt okay.

last night, tim decided to have an impromptu fish fry. he stopped by a local fish market and bought some flounder...and made us homemade slaw...we sat out on the porch for dinner. it was FANTASTIC. when you all come to visit, pressure tim to have a fish fry. you'll enjoy it.

see. what i'm saying is....i approached the weekend thinking that we didn't really have that much planned...and it turned out to be wonderful. man, i love beach weekends like that.

this one is for you, igor's mudcats

2007-06-12T19:25:00.000-07:00

that's right. verlander did it for my fantasy team. a no-hitter. perfect. now, i can move out of 11th place. that's right...its out of 12.

more to come in the next few days: philip glass on leonard cohen at spoleto, swan lake, modern day audiences, and my latest plan to become a ballet teacher.

May on the Coast

2007-05-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

So first things first....WELCOME LAILA! That's right...There is a new baby to celebrate. Ewing had her baby on the 19th of May! She was very early. (Wait, I am getting old, two of my blogs in the last 2 months have been to celebrate babies!) Regardless, here is a picture of Laila and her dad, LeVar. I'm still waiting for a picture of mom and baby....But I'm very excited to meet Ms. Laila and to teach her to play baseball.

What else?

Bright Eyes and ATL
We had a great time. We stayed at The Highland Inn (you should stay here too). We had lots of good food...Pura Vida and Eclipse di Sol. The show itself was perfect. The Fox is a beautiful venue, expansive. So expansive in fact that twice Conor commented about what a beautiful night it was, this outdoor venue. The funny part is that Fox has a ceiling that is painted to look like the night sky. You'd think they'd tell the musicians that before they make comment on it...

After the show, there was a reunion of sorts backstage. It was Andy Lemaster's birthday, as well as some old Athens pals were around: Clay and Casey. It was fun to catch up with everyone, particularly Mike and Conor...as well as to look over and see Gillian Welch relaxing. We drank some beer, ate some vegan cake, and hugged alot. There are two moments that stick out to me the best (and keep in mind these are vague at that...)

1) When we are all leaving for the night, Conor came over to hug us all. As he hugged Tim, he told him he was a very lucky man...(and this wasn't because Tim is damn sexy or smart or any of that- though he is....but because we had told the crew about our engagement)...and I realized that if I was a book jacket, that'd be one of the things you could put on the back.

2) When we finally made our way outside, we were behind the band. We had no idea where we were going...and suddenly we hit the door to the outside...and there were like 100 kids waiting to see the band...waiting to get an autograph or catch a glimpse of the rockstars as they got onto the tour bus....it was weird to have all those people standing around looking at you, as you exited the building. I thought about stopping to sign some autographs, pretending to be Arienette or something...but thought better of it.

Beyond the show, another highlight was seeing my good friend Greg. We had brunch with him the next morning. He is a treasure, for sure.

We loved ATL...so much in fact, I'm going to look into graduate schools there.

School

Some classes have officially started. Good so far. In one class, I've got two Iraq War veterans. For some reason, that makes me feel weird. I don't feel like getting into that today...I'm still waiting to hear about one other class. If that class doesn't make, come visit me at the Wings, Eagles, or Pacific Beachwear.

Some other things that happened to me: my truck is barely hanging on, the mosquitos are attacking me which has resulted in me looking like i have chicken pox, and i believe i nursed an injured cat back to help with only antibiotic ointment. Oh yeah, we survived both of the Bike Weeks!!!

So, its my day off...I've got a full load of preparing for classes this week. And oh yeah, movies on HBO to watch. I think if I get an opportunity to watch Must Love Dogs once more...I'm not sure what will happen.

bush for your hog

2007-05-18T06:47:00.001-07:00

that's right. its bike week 2007...wait, i think they call it like spring bike rally or something or another. no, its not too terrible. if you can get use to the sound of extremely loud grasshoppers. i was even fine with the "good girls gone bad" tour bus parked outside of the crazy horse a mile from my house...i mean, why should i judge. perhaps they wanted to go bad. i also wasn't too upset about the girl dressed in all black leather outside of the bad kitty, waving for customers. but then, i saw something that floored me. i hit my limit.

there is a plant nursery right up the street from us. i went in once to ask for a cypress tree (which they had never heard of)...regardless, yesterday when i drove by they put a sign out front that read, "put a bush on your hog"....can you fucking believe that? yes, i only pull out the f-word for serious situations as such. i wondered, are there many bikers who put a potted plant on their bike? are they hoping to draw in some of their business?

other than that...its been interesting to watch the internal tension of bike week...i saw a fella wearing a shirt that read, "i rode my bike to trailer week"...see, there are the "real" riders who actually ride their bikes to bike week...then apparently there are the "others" who bring them up in trailers and only ride them when it's just sunny enough out. i think its pretty funny.

my all time favorite item so far has been an accessory that the women wear. its for women that have long hair. they put their hair in a braided ponytail and then they put this leather cylindrical piece with studs and shit in it around the ponytail. its hot. seriously. i'm getting one.

so...yes...tim and i saw a ballgame. i'm still trying to ease into my vacation, but it ends next week. i've watched lots of movies. i've exercised more than normal. and tonight, we are going to atlanta. and what i'm most excited about? seeing my mom...and maybe also, greg, john and patrick...and maybe also conor and mike...but seeing my mom will be the best.

How'd he do it?

2007-05-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

I suppose enough time has passed that I can honestly blog without feeling like I was holding back. See, Tim and I got engaged on April 26th. Yeah, yeah, I can hear the congratulations through the airwaves. Of course, most of my students sent me emails that said, "CONGRADULATIONS"...goddman, what are they teaching those kids in the public schools?

Anyways...we haven't settled on a date yet. we are thinking may of 2008. how is that for advance warning. so its tough being a feminist who is planning a wedding. hell, it was difficult being a feminist trying to negotiate an engagement. it was even worse trying to plan it with two feminists. and we figured our way...a way that we felt still had the traditions that our family, friends, etc. would be asking for....but added our own way.

we both bought each other engagement gifts. we stuck with an engagement ring for me...and tim's was more difficult. men's rings are UGLY and TACKY....so we opted for an antique wristwatch for him. we proposed to one another out on the beach with some champagne. people seem really resistant to this idea. they don't understand how you can propose to one another. and after "lemme see the ring", the second question is..."how did HE do it?"

its interesting to me the types of traditions that are so difficult for people to let go of. so i'm thinking of writing a book (a wedding book...so i can make some real money!)...but one that demonstrates how hard it may be to negotiate an engagement and wedding, while maintaining your dignity and values. its going to be an interesting year.

the next big issue is about walking me down the aisle. hell, i don't know if there will be an aisle (which most of my students spell ISLE)...but i sure as hell know that i'm 31 years old and i'm sort of resistant to the idea of someone walking me down the aisle or giving me away. i know, it sounds bitchy...but i gotta draw some lines.

so i'll keep you updated.

i'm in vacation mode right now. the semester finally ended. i'm so pleased. i'm moving on to planning for my summer and fall classes. i think that staying home all day is right up my alley...except that i start wanting a beer at 3:00pm. wait, that's right now.

you should check out the new feist album. its awesome.

ps. my neighbor just checked his mail...he is wearing shorts, flip flops, and a shirt that has 3 buttons un-done...yeah, its a bit cooler than usual here.

at least we still have hope...

2007-04-23T09:55:00.000-07:00

its been a busy few weeks. i'm trying to get caught up. i turned 31. i saw my first baseball game of the season. the semester is coming to a finish and i'm awfully glad.

i don't want to get into too much "news", but i felt like last week would have been an awkward time to write. i felt depressed about everything that had happened...

we saw the flaming lips last week. and i swear, it was just what everyone needed...with so much around us that makes us sad- the lips know just how to make you see the hope, the joy, the lightness of life. it was a fantastic show. photo credit above go to scott smallin (i hope that is how you spell his name...)

whats coming up next? my vacation. a trip to atlanta for the bright eyes show.

my nephew

2007-04-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

so, yes...i'm an aunt. this is my nephew, emmett liam boyd. isn't he beautiful?

other than meeting my nephew this weekend, i had a great time in CLT...

mostly, i was celebrating my birthday. spent some time with jennie ann. mom and i celebrated on saturday. shopping. dinner. movie. it was awesome.

but not to overshadow my fun this weekend, i'm sitting here waiting for the opening night baseball game to begin. glavine is pitching...and he is on my fantasy team. wish me luck.

Spring Training 2007

2007-03-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

okay, i'm finally recovered from spring training...so you get the opportunity to hear about it. i'm in full baseball obsession.

i think i'm going to only include highlights, as you can take a trip down my memory lane through the photo album...click on the picture below and you should be able to access the album.

Spring Training

1) dodgertown

dodgertown has to be hands in my top three of grapefruit parks. its small. intimate. vero beach is beautiful, at least the ocean front areas. too bad this was the last year for ol' dodgertown.

Game 1: Dodgers and Nationals
got to see nomar (up close and personal...see pictures), luis gonzalez, betemit, furcal.the dodgers won.

2) Tim's Birthday aka Day 2 of Spring Training

We were seeing two games on tim's bday.

Game 1: Yankees and Astros
astros stadium leaves some to be desired. sat through my first rain delay...yes in a green poncho.got to see cano, damon, a-rod. i just asked tim who won the game, because after the beer we drank at the game...i'm not sure i'd remember...but we are pretty sure the astros won. take that yankees.)

Game 2: Braves and Cardinals
we had to head straight to cracker jack from game 1.i'm not a big fan of the stadium, because its very large, very commercial, very Disney. the line up for our first braves game: johnson, renteria, andruw, mccann, frenchie, and diaz. tied ballgame, called over at the end of the 10th inning. in one day,we saw 2 ballgames, about 6 hours of baseball, spent about 8 to 9 hours in ball parks. man, what a birthday, eh tim?

3) The Black Angus Bar
after the game, we drove the 6 miles to our hotel and decided to check out this bar attached to the hotel. it was called the black angus bar. they had karaoke. it was fucking fantastic...not necessarily the people singing, but it was ripe with fiction stories...so tim and i had some shots.

4) DAY 3
it was our last day...honestly, i was a little tired. it was st patricks day. we were seeing the braves and cardinals again. we had press passes, which wouldn't allow us into the clubhouse. the highlight of this day was watching the minor league team. many people don't know this, but the minor league teams play games during the "main" game...so we watched some of the myrtle beach pelicans play. we saw sammons, ka'aihue, elvis andrus, among others. it was a great experience, reminded me of a high school baseball game (with the dug-outs and player conversation). during the game a sky writing plane wrote, "JESUS LIVES" in the sky.

so those are some of the highlights. there were many great moments...i'm devising a plan so that i an stay at spring training for an entire month. here's hoping.

4 games, 3 days

2007-03-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

this is me after the spring training trip. 4 games in 3 days.

its over now. we are back home. the bags have been unpacked. toiletries put back in their proper place. so i'm feeling mournful.

and when i'm done mourning the florida sun and baseball games, i'll give you a trip synopsis. while i write it, i'll drink beer out of a plastic cup...just to recreate the feeling.

i think it can best be summed up by something i heard uttered by a man who was attending the first game of our trip...we passed by him and he said to his companion, "spring training is GREAT!"

yes, indeed. great.

the hour is upon us...

2007-03-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

leaving for spring training in two hours....

the latest toughs of spring break

2007-03-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

okay, so its not that i'm feeling like i have more to say...i'm just behind on relating my happenings. and since i use this blog as a sort of "dear god, its me margaret" diary....i like to keep up. not to mention, we are heading down to spring training tomorrow afternoon.

yes, i'm on spring break. i decided to have some dental work done to begin the spring break. i mean, what is better than 3 valiums in a 24 hour period? well, perhaps the valium without the dental work...but that's not really appropriate at my age anymore.

yes, i'm doing fine. my dental work went well. and surprisingly, dental work + devil town...you'd think i would have run from the charlotte city limits...but i actually had a really great time.

i spent alot of time with my family. my brothers were both home for break too, so it was an impromptu family reunion. i spent most of my post-op time with my mom. it was fantastic. i'm so happy for her and her unemployment (yes, it was by choice). she is not also addicted to LOST, so we sat around drinking beer and speculating on theories and such.

that evening, i had dinner with my dad, sister, brother in law, and my brothers. my sister is 2 weeks away from her due date...so it was extremely exciting to imagine that in a couple of weeks, i'll be auntie kathy. reminds me of in the movie About a Boy when he refers to himself as cool uncle will, king of the kids.

anyways, later that evening...i spent more time with my family. i drank some beer and it was fantastic. i felt like a young girl of 22 again. it was just what i needed to fully realize my vacation. i think i spent the rest of the evening trying to express my discontent about bam margera to my brothers, but that's a different story.

the next morning, i had brunch plans with eric and stephanie. we were meeting at city tavern, but apparently it didn't open until 11:30...and i had set our brunch time for 11. so we made a trip down to starbucks. i think all three of us were a bit hungover...so this made for a very interesting experience. the greatest thing to me was thinking of the three of us walking down a street in dilworth with our starbucks on our way to brunch. three walking contradictions. the farm will have no starbucks!

after a couple of mimosas at brunch, i decided to head back to the beach. i had a lovely mid-afternoon drive home. i was honestly happy to have had such a positive charlotte experience this time. it felt nice.

so...other than that..tim and i have been eating at irish restaurants for a story he is writing. the one on saturday night was packed. there was apparently a going away party for a fella who was going to iraq within the week. there was something about that....that freaked me out. apparently it freaked him out too....he was almost passed out in the parking lot.

on sunday night, we went to another irish restaurant in little river. they were having karaoke. most of the clients were well in their 50's. it made for an interesting dinner. we heard some johnny cash (performed by a man dressed all in black), as well as springsteen. at first i was irritated by the loud dinner experience, but instead i decided to just enjoy it. and before i knew it...i was having a fantastic time. these old couples danced during the slow songs. everyone cheered. i decided if i was to EVER perform karaoke, it'd be here. and i'd probably do bonnie tyler's total eclipse of the heart....though tim and i did joke about doing paradise by the dashboard light (is that the full title?).

other than that, i've been preparing for spring training.

today, i thought i'd enjoy beach living. i took a notebook and the book i'm most recently reading, the latest kundera the curtain. oh yeah, i took my ipod too. i sat out in the sun for a few hours and just enjoyed the fact i live here. it was wonderful.

the beach was packed...as it is spring break. there were alot of people playing football, volleyball, baseball, throwing the frisbee, etc. now, some of you already know this...but i swear, in school i was always the kid that seemed to get hit in the face with the basketball, volleyball, frisbee...so being on the beach today was sort of like overcoming a fear of being hit in the face with balls (ha....don't you dare!)i was successful...and i even caught a fly away frisbee for a couple of drunk college kids.

so...its happening. tim and i are heading out for our annual spring training trip. this will be our 3rd year. on the agenda this year: astros, yankees, dodgers, nationals, braves, and cardinals. there will be plenty to update upon our return.

but while you are sitting at home wondering when i'm going to update you on my happenings...there is so much good music out right now (or on its way out)...so you should be listening...the new shins album (which has been out for a while) is fantastic...there is a bright eyes ep, the arcade fire is blowing my mind, the modest mouse is growing on me everyday.

i also found out about this band called okkervil river several months ago. i found a song online about the president...i'll forgo actually writing the song title for fear my blog will be on a "list" somewhere...but i looked them up again the other day and apparently they re-released an album with additional songs. its really good. i've been listening to it most of the day. so check it out.

"i don't know what notes you want to hear played, i can't think what lines you'd like me to sing or say, and i'm not sure what subjects you want mentioned. so pause and add your own intentions. just pause and add your own, let's pause and add our own. just pause and add our own intentions. right here." -okkervil river

tartare and dark hearts

2007-03-12T15:07:00.000-07:00

so a couple of weekends ago, tim and i made a trip to charleston to attend the food and wine festival. as we made our plans, we discovered that the band sparklehorse was also playing in charleston. it couldn't have been designed better...

we drove into charleston on saturday morning. the festival was made up of cooking competitions, demonstrations, book signings, etc. as we walked around, we stepped in for a moment to a cooking competition that tyler florence was participating in. you know, tyler florence of applebee's. i don't have anything against him, but in the 5 minutes we listened to him... he made the suggestion that using freshly ground pepper and sea salt would "really" make your food more spectacular. pepper and salt? that's the suggestion?

the rest of the food and wine discussion may at times seem vague...as i'm trying to protect the innocent.

we also attended a demonstration that was being conducted by a local chef and a food writer. afterwards, we spoke with the writer (who tim knows), who invited us to have drinks. as we started heading off for drinks, we realized it was a group of 7 of us. we walked through downtown Charleston for several blocks. i didn't know where we were going or who these people were, but i knew there was a cold beer waiting for me at the end of the journey.

finally we arrived at our destination. as we began talking, i slowly realized we were sitting at the table with an editor from an extremely well-known magazine, as well as a chef from a well-known restaurant in the south. i'm not trying to say, "oooooh, look who i was hanging out with"...which is why i'm not providing names, but it was more of a situation where you look around and think, "how the hell did i end up here?"

so, one beer in....people kept asking me if i needed anything else to drink...then they started ordering appetizers. the chef from the restaurant (who also happened to be the chef from the demonstration) came over, introduced himself, and then informed all the waitstaff that we should NOT be allowed to pay for anything. even better, right?

like charlie on lost said, "guys...where are we?"

the appetizers were so fucking delicious...so much in fact, that yes, it warranted me saying the f-word. it was a combination of sausage with pimento cheese smeared all over it. and i'm sure it helped that the beer just flowed freely.

after drinks and food, the group decided to head to yet another bar. so we all filed out into the streets of charleston. it was a perfect moment to be drunk in the daytime. the sun was starting to rest in the sky. there were people everywhere.

walking down the street, a suburban pulls up next to us...and a couple of guys from within screamed out the names of some of our co-conspirators. they jumped out and started talking to us, inviting us over to their loft apartment. so, just like that...we started going in a different direction.

next thing i know, we were in a fancy loft. someone handed me a whiskey. we sat around laughing, talking, and watching the sun start to set on downtown charleston.

afterwards, tim and i figured it might be a good idea to grab a bite to eat, so we stopped in the restaurant fig to have a couple of appetizers before the show. we ordered a cheese plate and steak tartare. tim broke his vegetarian rule for the tartare. there are few places and times that you would want to try this dish and we both figured this was the time, and most specifically, the place. given the fact that i was several hours into drinking, i even tried the tartare. for those of you who know me, this isn't normally a food i would try...but again, time and the place...and hell, well the alcohol made me feel more adventerous.

so only part of our day was done...and sparklehorse still awaited. as we drove to the hotel for a short siesta, we pulled up to the light across from the hotel...and coincidentally, my mom was also at the light. yes, mom was meeting us for the show. i think everyone knows she may be sparklehorse's number one fan.

the show was as fantastic as those delicious sausages. i've never had the opportunity to see sparklehorse, though i've been a fan for over a decade. i didn't know what to expect, but it well surpassed any expectations.

particularly...they played mostly songs of the first album, vivadixiesubmarinetransmissionplot. this was the album that made me love sparklehorse. its what sparklehorse is to me, so i was extremely pleased that a majority of the setlist came directly from the album. i stood there blissfully taking in the songs, the memories, the sights.

we closed down the music farm.

then there was denny's. i don't remember exactly what i ate at denny's, but i do know that although its not one of the finest restaurants in charleston (and we had been to some of those earlier in the day), the food was exactly what you need at 3am.

i'm not sure exactly what i was pleaded with tim for in this shot, but i'm pretty sure it was so i could order the 5 dollar side order of bacon.

charleston was quite an experience. perfect in fact.

creating our own happiness

2007-03-07T09:51:00.000-08:00

so, just what i needed to feel better about the world...i remembered that wayne coyne of the flaming lips had recently contributed to a "this i believe" on npr...so i looked it up...

and it seemed to fit perfectly with my whole pursuit of happiness discussion concerning the love of tragedy in our society.

"I believe this is something all of us can do: Try to be happy within the context of the life we are actually living. Happiness is not a situation to be longed for or a convergence of lucky happenstance. Through the power of our own minds, we can help ourselves. This I believe." -Wayne Coyne

listen to the segment at

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7572601

you'll thank yourself. its just nice to see someone talking about happiness.

a race to unhappiness

2007-03-05T18:12:00.000-08:00

so last week or so, tim called my attention to this article on pitchfork about a recent bright eyes performance. after reading it, i felt somewhat irritated. it got me thinking about how "we" approach people and their happiness or discontent.

the review of the show went something like this:

"A snowy Midwestern night, a club packed with the faithful eagerly awaiting new tunes-- seemed like the ideal setting for an electrifying Bright Eyes show. But what we got at the Metro last night, as Conor Oberst and crew kicked off* their winter tour, was kind of like a big ol' mug of hot cocoa: familiarly delicious at first, then just familiar.

Conor's sporting some terrible hair these days, long and greasy like a bass player in a grunge band circa 1992. And he seems genuinely content and at peace with the world, which is awesome for him but not so awesome for an audience used to onstage exorcisms. Perhaps that's why throughout Bright Eyes' 15-song set, he ignored anything older than the 2004 Neva Dinova split One Jug of Wine, Two Vessels, except for "Make War" from 2002's Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground and "Spent on Rainy Days" from his 2002 Britt Daniel split. Those old songs are mostly teenage catharsis. " (courtesy of www.pitchforkmedia.com)

so what bothered me?

well, why is it that its not awesome for his audience? i mean, i know what the author is trying to imply. i understand that for an audience that may be use to conor kicking about and drinking himself into an oblivion on stage might be what drives the audience to his show...but i'm personally tired of it.

i mean don't we want someone that we admire to grow and heal? i think its tragic that people would prefer a musician to stay in a constant state of unhappiness because it serves to be a better show. what is it about watching a train wreck that people enjoy so much?

i think for me the whole idea of people becoming "bored" with conor's hot chocolate show hits a couple of chords (yeah i know... but seemed to be the best way to word it).

for one, i use to know conor personally. during the years that i spoke to him on a several times a year basis, i watched him battling some demons. i'd watch him holding on to life in what appeared to be a tenuous grasp. it worried me. i think it worried most of the people around him. one night at a party, i walked up to say goodbye to him. he looked up to me and it was difficult to even recognize a person in his eyes. and i always hoped that things would even out for him. that this sadness that seemed to have a hold of him would drift away, as it does for most people as they mature and figure some shit out.

but there is something about weakness that people consume. something they enjoy. perhaps it makes them feel better. perhaps they want you to be the fall down drunk in the bar, because you are more fun. because people like tragedy.

i know when i personally was going through my "dark" times, it seemed that people were always around me. when i was younger and drinking insane amounts of alcohol and forgetting most of my 20's, it seemed people just enjoyed being around me. the crazier i acted, the more people enjoyed it. i think it was obvious to most people that i was apparently doing one of those cliched "screaming for attention". but they sure as hell enjoyed it.

then i started to get my act together. i was in graduate school. i stopped going out as much. i'd prefer to spend evenings at home reading or watching a movie. and the phone calls stopped. the after party invitations stopped. it was almost as if being happy was just the antidote i needed to those awful hangovers.

then when i had an actual healthy relationship where i was happy (yes, of course, you...tim), it seems that people drifted away even more. they don't want to hear about your happiness. or at least they'd much rather here about your unhappiness.

and so, i think its crap that people can't feel the happiness of others. why is that sadness is suppose to be thing that gives you depth as a person, as an artist? i find myself seeking out in music and movies a plot or story that shows me that life doesn't have to be staring down to the bottom of a bottle. the story doesn't have to end that way.

"the sunrise or the sunset, hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play" -bright eyes

by the way, do check out the new ep...unless of course, you enjoy misfortune too much.

where have all the honeybees gone?

2007-03-02T14:35:00.000-08:00

lots of updates here...

so here are some pictures from TIM LONG's (alert that!)visit to the grand strand. i think we all had a great time. laughs. drinks. drunkin' noodlin'.

it was a short visit. tl came down on saturday. td had a restaurant visit to do, which happened to be one of the seafood shacks in cherry grove. we drove out there with great expectations. well, maybe not great...but at least decent. and the only part of it that was really decent was the food.

the most hilarious part of the dining experience was one of the servers (if you can call her that). so this gal was working behind the bar and waiting on customers. she was for lack of better words, completely obnoxious. about one sip into my cold budweiser she started doing this loud nerve-shattering laugh. as some other diners left, she asked if they enjoyed the dinner and the fella joked "no, but i ate all of it". this launched the demon waitress into a tirade about a previous customer she had.

apparently this customer ordered 12 oysters. they ate eleven of them and then informed her that the oysters were terrible and wanted their money back. at this point in time the waitress emphasized how ridiculous this was. she repeated over and over again about how "you didn't like them, but you ate e-lev-en-eh" (a four syllable enunciation of the word eleven. she kept on with this story past my first beer into my sandwich. she explained in great (and loud) detail about how the customer wanted to talk to a manager, at which point in time she responded "you lookin' at her!". E-LEV-EN-EH!!!

this wasn't the only obnoxious story we heard from the server. she made some comments about vomiting, shitting, hair in the food...certainly the most appetizing stories for other diners. i'm surprised i made it through my dinner.

the best story had to be about how the cops in town have it out for her because her mother is in law enforcement. she talked about being pulled over after going out drinking. she then relayed a story about how she had been kicked out of the applebee's twice. hell, we didn't realize applebee's was the place to hang out and get fucked up...but apparently, we've been going to the wrong places. to emphasize her point about getting kicked out of the applebee's (which apparently is a badge of honor to her), she asked the other server "how many times have i been kicked out of the applebee's?"

she also made a comment about how everyone should be required to work one year as a server, so they could appreciate the "hard" work of servers. i'm SO over the sympathy i'm asked to feel for wait staff. no one asked you to drop out of college and take this life-long career choice. i overall have respect for most servers, but this is just getting over the top.

thankfully we made it out of the shack without throwing our shrimp shells on her. but i do think that it accounted for the fact that we all drank our second drinks down quicker than we should have.

afterwards, we made a trip to rockefeller's...as we needed some normalcy. then we brought it on home for a little jam session. now, i'll be honest here...when tim and tim would have get together to play music, i would always envision some sort of weird conglomeration of music. it was fantastic! tim long played the guitar, tim davis played the harp (that's harmonica to you knaves!)

So, what else? its a week later, and i've got more stories for you, but i'm going to wait to post about it later. we had another action-packed weekend..and i'm feeling a little like my head is a balloon that is on a string that i'm holding directly over my body.

Happy Birthday Farmer Koch!

2007-02-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Stephanie!

Wish I had been there this weekend for the party (particularly the fountain!)

I look forward to celebrating your 25th at lunch on the 9th/10th...

I think for your birthday, I will learn how to make homemade butter and cheese (for the farm), but I will also learn a skill, perhaps airbrushing...so I can make us Myrtle Beach style t-shirts for the farm. Imagine that picture...with neon pink airbrushed underneath Farmers Unite! 2007!...then our names in neon green...Farmer Eric, Farmer Stephanie, Farmer Katherine!

Wait, is this starting to become cult-like?