i honestly had no idea that i hadn't posted anything in so long...and that alone should be enough for you to recognize that i'm ultimately self-involved (why else would i have a blog?) and that i've been really caught up in myself lately.
besides school starting, i've also been in the process of going through some self revelations....those are actually quite boring, so i won't get into it right here, right now.
regardless, on friday night, tim, patrick, and i made our way to the pirates cove. the cove is one of the two places where we've heard someone playing the flaming lips over the loud speakers, so we like to frequent it. regardless, we also wanted to see this band, the magnolia network. i also had planned on watching them semi-sober, as i hadn't seen them that way before. there was a band opening for them called the second.
when the second started playing, i sort of pushed back in my chair realizing a night of planned sobriety was going to be more difficult than i realized. listening to the lyrics, tim and i made snide comments to one another. yes, surprise, surprise, i was being an asshole. yet again. and completely sober at that!
between the sets, a lovely young man came over and introduced himself, hopefully to be our third friend in this area...and while we were talking he asked if we had heard about the guy from the first band. so.....this is when i started feeling bad. apparently the guy was playing this show, because it is his last show. last show because he recently found out that he has cancer in his lymph nodes and has to have one of his arms amputated. i fucking kid you not. i think at this point in time, i decided it was okay to drink. sorry magnolia network, we'll try for complete sobriety some other time.
i spent the rest of the evening trying to imagine. i watched this young man walk around the bar, getting his picture taken with friends and family. joking with local patrons. and while i watched him smoke a cigarette with one hand and drink a beer with another- all i could think was goddamn......
and of course, the whole idea turns selfish for most people as you try to imagine yourself in this position. the fella was handling it obviously well. he seemed fine. he seemed nice even. and that made it even worse. here is someone going through a situation i couldn't begin to imagine, and he was doing it with such grace. not me. i wouldn't be graceful. i'd be drunk, belligerent, and demanding that the world owes me something. well a goddamn arm, for one.
i don't have any broad sweeping moral of this story. just some thoughts.
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