get nervous...

it happened last night. i finally got nervous about my upcoming trip to visit nashville. i'm sure the evil time change had part to do with it, but i found myself awake at 3am, tossing and turning...while my mind was not only singing dylan tunes in the background, but thinking of all the arrangements and questions that i have about my trip, and fuck, my entire life.

i didn't think too much about it when i finally did fall asleep and wake back up at a decent hour, but as i phoned in a hotel reservation...it came back. then when i left the house to run errands, i felt jumpy. i kept bumping into things. my hands can hardly keep still enough to type this right now.

i don't know why it happens, but change makes me incredibly nervous. hmm. i'm starting to consider how this might affect my political opinions...regardless, i feel awkward right now. i'm worried that i won't fit in during my visit. i'm worried that i won't be as bright as they thought i was. and then i started having really, really horrible thoughts, like "well, myrtle beach isn't that bad, after all..."

this nervousness is dangerous for me. it has kept me from doing tons of stuff i would have liked to in my life. excellent job opportunities and even excellent other school offers....but i get nervous. i get freaked out. and then the nervous laughter starts.

so, i'm warning you. if you get an email from me with typing errors...if this has typing errors, or we talk on the telephone and you hear the nervous laugh. forgive me, please.