a race to unhappiness

so last week or so, tim called my attention to this article on pitchfork about a recent bright eyes performance. after reading it, i felt somewhat irritated. it got me thinking about how "we" approach people and their happiness or discontent.

the review of the show went something like this:

"A snowy Midwestern night, a club packed with the faithful eagerly awaiting new tunes-- seemed like the ideal setting for an electrifying Bright Eyes show. But what we got at the Metro last night, as Conor Oberst and crew kicked off* their winter tour, was kind of like a big ol' mug of hot cocoa: familiarly delicious at first, then just familiar.

Conor's sporting some terrible hair these days, long and greasy like a bass player in a grunge band circa 1992. And he seems genuinely content and at peace with the world, which is awesome for him but not so awesome for an audience used to onstage exorcisms. Perhaps that's why throughout Bright Eyes' 15-song set, he ignored anything older than the 2004 Neva Dinova split One Jug of Wine, Two Vessels, except for "Make War" from 2002's Lifted or The Story Is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground and "Spent on Rainy Days" from his 2002 Britt Daniel split. Those old songs are mostly teenage catharsis. " (courtesy of www.pitchforkmedia.com)

so what bothered me?

well, why is it that its not awesome for his audience? i mean, i know what the author is trying to imply. i understand that for an audience that may be use to conor kicking about and drinking himself into an oblivion on stage might be what drives the audience to his show...but i'm personally tired of it.

i mean don't we want someone that we admire to grow and heal? i think its tragic that people would prefer a musician to stay in a constant state of unhappiness because it serves to be a better show. what is it about watching a train wreck that people enjoy so much?

i think for me the whole idea of people becoming "bored" with conor's hot chocolate show hits a couple of chords (yeah i know... but seemed to be the best way to word it).

for one, i use to know conor personally. during the years that i spoke to him on a several times a year basis, i watched him battling some demons. i'd watch him holding on to life in what appeared to be a tenuous grasp. it worried me. i think it worried most of the people around him. one night at a party, i walked up to say goodbye to him. he looked up to me and it was difficult to even recognize a person in his eyes. and i always hoped that things would even out for him. that this sadness that seemed to have a hold of him would drift away, as it does for most people as they mature and figure some shit out.

but there is something about weakness that people consume. something they enjoy. perhaps it makes them feel better. perhaps they want you to be the fall down drunk in the bar, because you are more fun. because people like tragedy.

i know when i personally was going through my "dark" times, it seemed that people were always around me. when i was younger and drinking insane amounts of alcohol and forgetting most of my 20's, it seemed people just enjoyed being around me. the crazier i acted, the more people enjoyed it. i think it was obvious to most people that i was apparently doing one of those cliched "screaming for attention". but they sure as hell enjoyed it.

then i started to get my act together. i was in graduate school. i stopped going out as much. i'd prefer to spend evenings at home reading or watching a movie. and the phone calls stopped. the after party invitations stopped. it was almost as if being happy was just the antidote i needed to those awful hangovers.

then when i had an actual healthy relationship where i was happy (yes, of course, you...tim), it seems that people drifted away even more. they don't want to hear about your happiness. or at least they'd much rather here about your unhappiness.

and so, i think its crap that people can't feel the happiness of others. why is that sadness is suppose to be thing that gives you depth as a person, as an artist? i find myself seeking out in music and movies a plot or story that shows me that life doesn't have to be staring down to the bottom of a bottle. the story doesn't have to end that way.

"the sunrise or the sunset, hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play" -bright eyes

by the way, do check out the new ep...unless of course, you enjoy misfortune too much.