i'm sure you've all heard by now about the latest "baggy pants" ban...where they are passing legislation (i think it has only passed in a small town in Louisiana) to ban pants that are too baggy and sag down. what the fuck? not only do i personally think this is crossing some boundaries in who is being targeted here, but this just doesn't seem to be the most pressing issue in our society, does it?
but i figured i should jump on the band wagon, if we are going to start legislating the clothes that people can wear...then good goddamn, let's make some changes. we all know there are lots of clothing and styles that should be outlawed. and i believe this presents the perfect opportunity to start over in fashion.
1) CROCS...please. let's just do away with this. its awful. and no, i don't care how comfortable they are.
2) TINY MINI-SKIRTS. see...now, if the baggy pants are an issue of indecent exposure, then we need to start making some women cover it up. one of my students came to class last week wearing the shortest skirt i've ever seen. why?
3) OVER-DONE CLEAVAGE. while i'm bagging on women...cover it up. seriously. if you've seen the commercials for the new tim gunn show...he says it best when he says, "no, not sexy. not at all..." (i'm paraphrasing)...but you really don't have to put it out on the table to be sexy...and if you are, you are probably not getting the right type of attention for it either.
4) SANDALS/FLIP FLOPS WITH SOCKS. wrong. always wrong. i think i broke up with a guy for doing this once. that's right. once. and i never got the image out of my head.
5) WHITE, OLD ATHLETIC SHOES. you know the ones. they are crusty. they bow up at the toes. from the passage of time, and the washing machine. please...don't wear these unless you are running, mowing the grass, or otherwise out of the public eye.
6) SHIRTS THAT ARE TOO SMALL FOR YOU or TOO BIG FOR YOU. i know. i'm getting picky here. but i am simply tired of walking outside to check the mail to find a slew of construction workers with tight white t-shirts on (i know, you'd think they were in the band hot hot heat or something)...well, wait, i suppose they are in hot, hot heat weather-wise...oh damn. regardless, i do not need to play peek-a-boo with your belly. so cover it up.
7)OVERSIZED SUNGLASSES. okay, i know...very few of you can get away with this. my mom is one of them...she looks like a movie-star in them. the rest of you look like bugs.
8) GAUCHO PANTS. always wrong. particularly when the attempt is made to dress these up to wear out to the club. bad idea.
hmm. what else...do you have any suggestions? i'm sure i'm missing tons of them.
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