toasts and babies

okay, so we've made it through one wedding and one baby shower...few more celebrations to go...

the wedding was awesome. tim and i met some lovely new folks. one of them works at the starbucks near our house (good for me and my cafe latte addiction)...and the other one is a student who mentioned the band iron and wine in our conversation. and they are brother and sister, so its a package deal.

there was only one awkward moment, where the sister of the groom mentioned in her speech how happy she was that "she" wasn't there followed by, "ya'll know who I'm talking about..."

by the end of the wedding, the groom and groomsmen were doing keg stands. the bride was doing the electric slide. and tim and i were ALMOST convinced to do some dancing of our own. (The DJ lacked any Michael Jackson...so we decided against it).

* * *

so this weekend, i made my way down to charlotte for my sister's baby shower. it was a rather uneventful weekend, but i got some good time in with my mom and brother, taylor. the shower was loads of fun. it was professionally catered. there was really great champagne (awwww, champagne). i spent most of my time with the parents of my brother-in-law. i think i got misty eyed a few times, while I watched my sister open tiny baby outfits, towels, socks.

* * *

back to school tomorrow. lucky for me i've got exams this week, so it'll fly by.

i can't wait for the weather to warm up...as I've got gardening to do.

Devil Town

"I was livin' in a devil town, didn't know it was devil town, oh, lord, it really brings me down, about the devil town

All my friends were vampires, didn't know they were vampires, turns out i was a vampire myself in the devil town..."
-Daniel Johnston

Here's to you, Charlotte...

In the Shadows

Tim is officially on his way back from Deviltown. I've been essentially by myself this entire week. It'll be weird to have someone else in the house. I will actually have another human being to exclaim to about what Taylor said on The O.C. No, seriously, I exclaimed to one of the cats this Thursday. I turned to Biscuit and said, "oh, snap". Now...there are two items of concern: my talking to the cats and my saying "oh snap"...i think both of them are side effects of being alone all week.

Classes started this week. Day 1 was pretty good. I haven't started my university classes yet, so I do believe this explains my joy up until this point in time. I think the students will be fun. The high school class is extremely small, which I think will make it more manageable. I haven't said anything too humiliating as of yet...but there is a whole semester yet to happen.

On Friday, I had lunch with one of my colleagues. Apparently the technical college is attempting to obtain clearance to hire another full time instructor, but aren't sure they'll be granted this money in the budget. So, lets cross our fingers. That would be awesome.

In the last week, I have received: 1 wedding invitation, 1 baby shower invitation, and a save the date wedding invite. Must be the season.

well, the cats and I have some movie/tv/living room dancing to get underway...

The last few days...

It's the last few days of my vacation before I head back to classes. At first I was looking forward to my "new beginnings", but now I could use a few more weeks. See..I started out my vacation preparing for the next semester, shopping, and winter cleaning (yes, i prefer winter cleaning, instead of spring cleaning). Regardless, I've finally made it to the phase of true vacation and now it's time to go back...

So, Tim is in "deviltown" working on his masters degree. I am spending most of my time with cinema and libations. Speaking of libations, Tim and I had dinner at the famous Cheeseburger in Paradise restaurant here in MB. And apparently, libations to them...only include soda, water, and coffee. Someone should tell Vic Chesnutt.

"like a little vacation. like a little song that I want to hear. like a big libation. like a flattering sentence whispered in my ear. that's what i want. everytime i try what i'm trying for. why don't we have a little symposium. where everybody takes the floor, yeah. like a scenic vista. like a long awaited chemical buzz." -vic chesnutt

*and apparently a "libation" is the act of pouring of a drink offering to the earth, like on the ground...funny stuff.

wait, wait...i lost my train of thought. oh yes, i decided to watch some movies tonight. i watched little miss sunshine. which by the way was fantastic. if you haven't, see it. there was one scene in particular that struck me. it reference proust (as pictured above). I had given up on Swann's Way, but now I'm feeling somewhat inspired to perhaps begin agan. I thought I'd read Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow next...but maybe I'll wait (not to mention, I was lost within the first three pages).

what is on my agenda for tomorrow?

i'm suppose to check out the high school where I'll be teaching this semester, make copies of my syllabi, etc...but at this point in the evening, I sort of just feel like drinking some beverages, listening to music, and pretending that the semester doesn't start yet..

Here is the scene from Little Miss Sunshine...

Dwayne: "Sometimes I just wish I could go to sleep until I was 18 and skip all this crap, high school and everything, just skip it."

Frank: "You know Marcel Proust?"

Dwanye: "He's the guy you teach?"

Frank: "Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he, uh- he gets down to the end of his life and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered- Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All the years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18, ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean, high school? High school- Those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that."

Dwayne: "You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. You know, school, then college, then work? Fuck that. You do what you love and fuck the rest."

I'll keep you updated, because another thing I'll be doing during my "true" vacation is updating my hardly-ever read narcissistic blog.

"I was born into the Hebrew persuasion, but when I got older I converted to narcissism." -Woody Allen from Scoop

ah, sigh...(that's a dot dot dot to you)

What do you resolve?

So, what do I resolve to do in 2007?

Well its complicated. Let me build up to it at least.

We had a pleasant new years. I'm not a big fan of the "new year" party/celebration. Ever since I could remember, I always fear that my plans will not be as exciting as I had hoped, thus dashing my hopes for the new year 1 minute into it...so I try to avoid have expectations for any type of celebration.

We decided to stay in and watch a movie. Then we walked out to the beach at 11:50pm. I took a bunch of pictures. This is one of the few decent ones. I think I took 20 pictures and Tim's eyes were only open in 2! If its any consolation for his closed eyes and my hair, the wind was blowing all over the place that night.

Regardless, the celebration was perfect. As you would imagine, people visiting at the beach like to shoot off fireworks, which I welcomed for this one occasion. Right at midnight, you could see fireworks going off up and down the coast (which was rather beautiful) and you could hear people in various hotel balconies along the coast screaming "happy 2007." it all was very beautiful.

while i was walking today, I started thinking about my plans. for those of you who know me well, you know that I'm a constant planner. I always have some type of project going on. Something I'm investigating. For example: recently I've been investigating: buying a condo/house at the beach, obtaining a grant to write a book, and going back to school for a teaching degree. So the moments when most people are mindlessly watching television, I spend these moments trying to plan my next move.

It is as if I'm always looking for the next step, how to improve. As if there is some type of chronic dissatisfaction, where I can't just stop and exist.

Reminds me of the line from Deconstructing Harry, "So you'd never have to give up sport fucking and chronic dissatisfaction and grow up."

I suppose some of this was brought on by the upcoming decision I have to make regarding UGA-Athens for my PhD. I was accepted last year, but deferred my enrollment. I have to either go this August or re-apply later in life. And I thought to myself, "why can't I just exhale and relax? why does there always have to be a "next" step? why can't I be like all those other people?"

So...I was walking on the beach, thinking..."okay, okay, okay...so what is your next step? what are you going to do this summer? next year? i need a plan."

And that's when I sort of stopped myself...I wondered why do I need a plan? I'm always planning because I want something more...in terms of education, work, money, satisfaction. So, I don't stop, I keep organizing and planning. Researching and filing away.

And it was then that I realized...I don't want to plan anymore. Well, actually I don't need to plan anymore. I questioned myself what I could possibly want...and realized ...

I have everything I could possibly want right now.

I just shuddered again thinking about it. I have: the love of a man that I'm going to share my life with, I have a teaching career where I make enough money to survive, I have free time to enjoy the weather and locale of where I live, I have three (ur, four) pets that I care about, I have old friends who I talk with pretty regularly, I have new friends that I am getting to know, I have my health (and who could ask for anything more....), my family, etc.

I think you get the point, but I realized I've been waiting for my life to begin...to be an adult. Planning for my next move when I would exhale and I would say, "I've officially made it." I'm not sure what means you've made it. Is it buying a house? Having a child? Getting a good job?Or can it also be all the things I listed above?

Regardless, I'll stop now...but I remember an old friend of mine wrote me a letter about how he realized one day that his life had started. he said he kept waiting for it to happen. then he realized as he drove to work listening to the morning DJs that- well, it had started. And I think it happens like that...you wait, but while you are doing all this waiting and planning and preparing, your life has started without your knowledge.

SO...I resolve to stop planning...well, sort of. I can't give up my daily lists. How would I remember to wake up everyday? But I'm going to stop planning these grandiose plans of whats next. I'm going to stop feeling that breath down my neck, telling me that I have to do something else. I think for a while I'm just going to enjoy working part time at the college and taking my daily walks on the beach. I'm going to read books and dig in my garden.

After all, there is time for the rest. And right now, I've got it all.