Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time


So...today may have been one of the more emotional days I've had in quiet a while. For one reason, I'm sure I'll "blog" about later, but at this time I can't. I still feel strange saying "blog". (Does it sound like a milkshake? I'll have the blog without the whipped cream?). Regardless, its been a day.

Today was the day that my family and I took my youngest brother, Taylor (photo on the right) to college. Last year we dropped off my oldest younger brother, John (photo on the left). For me, there is always something so sentimental about the "college dropoff". Although its been years for me, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Taylor made a great mix cd, which I waited to listen to until I left. I made him one too...that started off with Ryan Adams' To Be Young, then moved onto Spoon's The Way We Get By, then The Replacements' Beer for Breakfast. I thought they were all appropriate for a college freshman (or freshwoman for that matter). There were many others, but these seemed like a good beginning.

Everything was fine to begin with. We were fixing up the room. Bunking the beds. Moving the desks around. Taylor's roomie seemed like a great guy. Plus he likes the Braves. And it got me thinking about how something like baseball can become this great point for bonding and connecting people, particularly in a situation like college freshmen (or freshwomen...okay, i'll stop).

There is something about baseball to me (yes, in particular) that stands out as something that makes me think "hey, we could maybe be friends"...more so now than earlier in my life. I'm not sure what it is, maybe the commitment to the game, regardless of the time? maybe its the commitment to a team, regardless of their record? maybe its just the idea that we could have a conversation about something that doesn't involve our personal lives? I don't know...but I felt comforted with the fact that Taylor has a baseball loving roomie and some baseball loving hallmates.

Like I said, things were fine until it was time for me to leave. Unfortunately, I had to teach tonight and couldn't stay with him until I was ready to leave. It was probably fortunate for him in the fact that I started crying much earlier and we could just cut that out before the rest of the waterworks with the family started. Now, don't get me wrong...I was excited that he is going to college. I think its a great opportunity. A great experience. I wouldn't trade my experience for anything in the world. But I also recognize how difficult it can be.

I remember my first night at college. I remember the entire day. It wasn't just me and my family, but my two best friends at the time also came with me, Jennie Ann and Charlotte. When they moved me in and left me there, I remember thinking "what the hell?" "Wait, wait..." and then as the night passed on...I read letters that were left from my mom and my best friends. Upset and teary eyed, I joined my suite mates (Ally, Tori, and Misty) and we sat listening to Patsy Cline, smoking tons of cigarettes and talking. It wasn't until I realized that everyone felt a little out of place and uncomfortable that I felt better. Still...when I curled up in that twin bunk bed alone that night, in an unfamiliar quiet place...that I realized I was on my own. And then I thought, "who is this strange girl that likes the grateful dead that is sleeping in my room?"

Of course, we became close friends..and some remain close friends...but that first night can be brutal. That first week can be brutal. And I can't help but feel worried and a bit sad when I think about how John did that last year and how Taylor is doing that tonight. He is looking around that room and thinking "What the hell did I get myself into?" But I know that things will change in the next few weeks.

And things are changing for all of us. John is going on to his second year of college. My mom and dad are finally divorced. And I'm moving to the beach. Its that part of life where everything is changing. (Yeah, okay, its my last few days in Charlotte and I'm starting to get nostalgic).

That being said, I'm going to start bringing this in for its closing time...because although my fridge is full of beer...I've been warned never to drink and blog. Wait, wait...there is that word again. Jennie Ann came over tonight to watch Project Runway...and yes, we discussed it like we were talking about real life. What do you care? If you do care, check out pink is the new blog...and you'll be more than happy. But...I made a comment, very happenstance tonight...and then realized the reality of moving. I told Jennie Ann, "yeah, and then you'll come to my house and ..." and i realized...I won't live here anymore.

Things took a downward turn from there, just in that...you realize the ch-ch-changes. It happens. You "make it work". And we will, but I'll say this...I'll miss Jennie Ann. I will. I will miss that honk when she leaves. And I know she'll read this at work and hate me...but its what happens when you move. But, like I said its been an overly emotional day. Too many ch-ch-changes.

Gator-rode?
No, I'll have the blue one
The green one?

i can't trace time (oh god, i sound way over dramatic don't i? damn you, budweiser)